sick of this blooody life....got an email from Dan Barker...

please some one help me

i am in lahore pakistan and it has been  nearly 8 years since i have been suffering from this mental illness

i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear these bloody voices

i hear voices every day as a matter  of fact

i am very ill

god please spare me of all these miseries?

what have i done  wrong?

enough is enough

i cant even read books

but i got an email from dan  barker writer.

I read godless by Dan Barker two times in one week and I really

liked it

first. he talked about the fact that he  became a atheist on the ophra  winfreys show then he  talked about writers such as Richard dawkins and sam harris.

he  talked about how he became an atheist and left Christianity in 1984.

he talked about the way he played the paino and were living in wisconsin

some one called him a lair ,

he  said that the main argument for the existence of god is that there has to be a creater of such a big universe,

his daughter asked him that if god made every one then who made god?

he talked about Richard dawkins and about how he  was an atheist and left being a christian ,he talked about god and about  his existance and about how how dosent believe  in life after death

the compulsions go on and on.

 i have to close switches and taps at my step father and grand parents house in lahore

i have to close switches and taps in lahore and islamabad.,.

i have to close taps and switches at some hotel in nathiagalli which is a city ie northern  pakistan. 

i have to close taps and switches at my sociology teachers house in islamabad

also taps at my law teachers house ./ 

i have issues at my fathers flat in islamabad used

live  in the 5th floor but shifted to the 10nth floor and the tenant over there was a bitch and she was bad to  a girl who was the tenant so she went loooking for a house and i have issues to close switches over there and also close switches in the flat we live in/

i have to close switches in the market and also touch the door mats and i  have to close  the switches  the big  switches which  is actually a coupbord

i  have to do the same to those things on different floors , i have  to close  switches in the coridoor and the entrance of the building

i i have to close windows in building , i   have to close  switches and taps at my old flat and new flat

i have to close taps in the

filteration plant near the zaman park home

i  have to do the same near the islamabad home

i have to close switches and taps at my school and also at the crown plaza hotel , i  have  to close switches in the hotel entrance of  the hotel and the taps in the toilet

and

I have to close switches and taps and windows at my step mothers house

 I have to close switches and taps at my mothers

Farm house

I have to close the switches and copboards and  taps in my  mothers fathers brothers house

I have to close switches  taps etc in my grand mothers brother house

I have to close switches and taps at my mothers cousions house

I have to close switches at that persons saloon

 i have to close drawers in that hospital near our house

 I have to close the taps  etc at the glasses shop  near our house

I have to do things at Punjab club , I have to

Close the drawers in the barbers shop , I have to close the taps and switches  etc , I have  to close the taps

In the toilet and the switches in the bath room/

    I have to close  cupboards’ at my mothers friends house/

And I don’t know what to do since the list goes on and on

It seems as if all this crap will never end>

?.

I failed in the law and sociology exams

Not being able to read books in another issue but I did read a  few  books like godless by dan barker

The taps and switches in my grand parents house  and mother bother me a lot   but there are other issues like at he flat we live in and in peoples houses

And nothing seems to help at all,

I cant live and I cant die

What can I do?

The switches bother me

The taps bother me

I went to a institute with my mother to do some thing and the switches bothered me and other stuff

?

The voices tell me that the world and that they are all coming to get you

You are nothing but a coward they tell me/

A coward who wants to kill him self

It seems as if every one is against me and that they  know what I am thinking and what I am doing , I don’t know what to do .

  I read slow man by jm Coetzee  and it was terrible and then I read pilots wife by anita shreve.
now I am reading brain on fire/

my father has gone to china and I will have to rot in Lahore for a week or ten day.s

I might meet dan barker.

Bye

Danial tanvir.