it seems as if the
sufferings will never end
i dont know what to
say or what to do.
this month , it has been
nine years since i have been suffering from this illness,
as you know that i hear
voices and have compulsions and i dont know that when
this nonsense
will end and it
seems as it will never end and it appears as if i will never
be cured of
this illness
enough is enough and i
have had enough/and i dont know what to do.
this is worst than hell.
i came to america around
2 week ago but did not have a nice time.
i had a siezer
and collapsed at the book shop.
i actually fainted at the
barnes and nobels in new york city and was rushed to the
hospital and
was
treated for the
break down i had.
i ended up in the hospital
and had no memory of how i bloody got over there/
they put me on a bed and
put stuff/.
thoes guys charged us 2000
dollars and i have no memory what so
ever about what happened
in
those hours and i
just dont remember what happened then .
i was supposed to go
to brazil for the olympics but that plan got messed
up because i told my
father that i
want to go to new
york city.
i was on the streets of
new york hearing voices and i was going insane and i did not
know what to do.
i cannot tolerate
this crap any more/
i am sure that i will
never be cured of this illness.
this illness does not
spare me even if i come to america,
i went to the book shop
and bought some books by sam harris , a writer i like.
i have most of the
christopher hicthens books with me,.
i bought many books that i
liked and enjoyed the book shop but my father went
and got the books
for me/.
coming back to the point ,
i am very ill,
i have been suffering from
august 2007
which means that i have
been ill for 8 years , 11 months and 29 days.
i am not well\
i am ill
i am mentally ill
i am mentally handicapped.
i have obsessive
compulsive disorder and i hear these bloody voices..
one third of my life is
spent suffering from this illness which has ruined every thing.
i have gone through hell
all my bloody life and i felt so miserable yesterday that you
can not imagine
, i did not want to
live.
my life is worst than hell
and i go through unspeakable agony and have to
suffer so much and no one
bloody cares a
dam.
no one writes to me
because
no on dam cares a
dam what happens to me/
coming back to the point i
hear voices many many times
2016 has been the worst
year of my life and in this year i have suffered so
so much that you can not
even imagine.
i have heard voices about
100 to 110 times.
they go on and on
dont you get it joshwa
,
this is all part of a set
up
dont you get it
they are all coming to get
you
you are nothing but
a coward
coward who
wants to kill him self
they are all watching you
Man/.
you must do it\
coming back to the point
the compulsions screw me
up and i have been having them
since many years/
as you know i have to
close switches and taps
i have to close taps at
many places in islamabad including
my law and sociology
teachers house and at some other places./
there are many places i
have to close
taps .
i have to close switches
and taps at my step father
farm house in the
outskirts of lahore where i havent been in 3 years.
i have to close
switches and
taps at bets , a school my
mom put me in to study
english and computers/.
and computers last
year.
taps in the toilet
next to the readings book shop in lahore
switches
and taps at my
grand mothers brothers house in lahore/
its my grandmothers
brothers house where i went a couple of years ago/.
it is in Lahore/.
there is more to come:
taps and switches at my
grandfathers brothers house in
lahore
taps and swithces at my
grandparents house in lahore
i have had these
issues since many years.
taps swithces and windows
at my step fathers house in\
zaman park in lahore.
there are 4 taps at a
building near my step fathers house in lahore and i
have to close them /
this is in zaman park in lahore.
i have issues at many
places in lahore.
this crap or shit goes on
and on/.
now all this shit goes on
and on and nothing can bloody be done
about it/
i was in turkey then i was
in new york city
i went to the book shop a
couple of times but heard alot of voices.
it seems as if the whole
world is a setup and that they are all coming to
get me and that some one
has done some thing
to me or has deleted it from my memory
maybe some UFOS or aliens
abducted me/
aliens do exsit and abduct people .
maybe the the US
government is after me or the mullahs in pakistan/
i hear voices and
have compulsions/
all this shit is not
a joke
nothing can be done
i still miss the heart of
toronto , the streets of bangkok and the beaches of hawaii
i really miss the heart of toronto while i hear indian music.
.
pakistan is my bloody
country and i want to become a writer
just think about all
the great times i had in bangkok man/
how miserable can things
get ?
i just want to think about
all the great times i had with my father in bangkok/
i will be the happiest
person when this illness ends/
but i even heard voices when i was in bangkok,
i have to become a writer
and make my country pakistan very proud/
i love reading books and i
like music/
it is very obvious to me
that i will never be cured of this illness/
the list of the
compulsions go on and on and no bloody cares a dam/
and this illness will stay
with me for the rest of my life/
i really enjoyed the book shops
of new york/
i like to buy books on
religion and philosophy/.
i LOve My Country
Pakistan/.
i have to do great things for my country.
i want to do great things
for it,.
coming back to the point
i feel like crying when i
think about the fact that i will never be cured of this illness,
perhaps some has cursed
me.
i want to go to Bangkok
for the new year and dance the night away on some music/
the trip to america has
been terrible
and every thing that goes
wrong in my life is due to this illness man
the suffering will never
end and we will have to rot in this world forever/
i felt so miserable
yesterday when i was hearing voices and having compulsions
and i did not want
to live
what the hell can be done?
nothing can be done
because no one gives a fuck..
perhaps its just
better to go home to Islamabad/.
i enjoyed my times in
Bangkok but there too i hear voices
i have heard voices in
lahore,islamabd,bangkok,toronto,new york city/.
as a matter of
fact i have been all over the world and i want to go to
houston or to brazil.
why arent people
fighting with each other?
there is actually nothing
to do in life but to rot and to suffer man?/.
i want to chill in hawaii
with my mothers sister/.
thoes were the best days of my life in july,2003 when i was in hawaii
with my mother and her sister.
today i was waking with my
father in the outskirts of new york when i started
hearing voices and just
said to my self
enough is enough/
cant even enjoy my last
days in new york because of this shit/.
i am going through hell
and i cannot take this shit any more
please do reply and please
get me out of this shit and this misery,
i tell people but no one
cares and no one gives a shit,
this life is helll and a
birth place of suffering and misery and the one who
has done this should be
brought to justice,
i have just had it with all this crap , i dont deserve to
go through all this crap/
i deserve to be happy and
to live a happy live/
my tolerance level has
expired , it
has been like 9
bloody years that i have been suffering from
this bull shit and
its better to die than to
live this kind of life.
the taps compulsions
bother me so much that i want to shoot my self . i
want to become a
writer/
.
how fucked up can things
get?.
\
enough is enough/
i dont want to live
any more\?
its better to be be
dead than be in so much misery/
no one close to me
really cares \why cant i just die
the compulsions at many
places in lahore bother me as i have discussed/.,,.
i went to the book shop
yesterday and started hearing
voices/,.
and then as i sat in the
car , afcourse i started hearing thoes bloody voices so
then i came to my
step fathers house in lahore/,.\
the compulsions to close
taps in lahore bothers me and i hear voices,
i was just thinking that i
do not deserve to suffer so so much and whats the point of
making me
so miserbale/
nothing can be done
and nothing can be said,.
this illness will
never end but i miss the heart of islamabad.
no one really cares a
fuck you know.
and this is obvious.
.
nothing can be said and
nothing can be done,
the taps at many places
bother me and i like to read books/,.
no one can stop this god
from making people suffer so much for no bloody reason/
nothing can be done and
nothing can be said, the truth is that we have \
been sent here to rot and
to
suffer in this
miserable world/
imagine a world free of
obsessive compulsive disorder
i feel depressed
i hear voices
the long list of
compulsions bother me
i have to close taps at
the shop of a tailor in lahore wehre my mom went to
get her clothes ,
close taps at the doctor my step dad took me to to get \
\my disorder fixed in
lahore,.
at the bath room stop
between the motorway of lahore and islamabad/.
my grand mother wanted to
take me to the book shop , i bought two books and as
i was coming out
of the book shop, i
saw a tap that was on so the issue was to afcourse to
close it although i already
had to close taps in the
toilet
of the
book shop but this tap was out in the open/,.
i have to pick up a door
mat near the market in lahore near our house and throw
it into the canal,.
close taps
the taps of a water tank or what ever you call it in tech
society which is a
colony where my
grandparents live in , in lahore,.
i bought a book by sam
harris a writer i admire and also ian mcewan.
i started hearing
voices like i do every day
infact this is a routine
in my life which is to hear voices and all that shit,.
dam
this will never end ,
this illness will live
with me for all of my life,.
and then as i sat in the
car , afcourse i started hearing thoes bloody voices so
then i came to my
step fathers house in lahore.
the compulsions to close
taps in lahore bothers me and i hear voices,
.i was just thinking that
i do not deserve to suffer so so much and whats the point
of making m so
miserable?,.
nothing can be done
and nothing can be said,.
this illness will
never end but i miss the heart of islamabad/
,.
no one really cares a
fuck you know.
and this is obvious
nothing can be said and
nothing can be done,
the taps at many places
bother me and i like to read books/,.
nothing can be done and
nothing can be said, the truth is that we have \
been sent here to rot and to
suffer in this
miserable world/
imagine a world free of
obsessive compulsive disorder
i feel depressed
i hear voices
the long list of
compulsions bother me
my father is in brazil and
i am very unwell in lahore/.
yesterday i was hearing
voices as i do every day and could not even get out of bed,and
they
went on and on.
THE TAPS compulsions
bother me like hell.
closing taps at the
building and at the readings book shop and all thoes other
compulsions to close
swithces and taps/.
i managed to read 8 to 9
books ,.
it is obvious that i will
have to hear voices and have compulsions for the rest of my life,
actually nothing can be
done
i dont know what
should be done but i am really sick of the whole situation ad
with life
it is obvious that this
illness will not end.
i have ordered two christopher hitchens books from amazon,
I LOVe my country pakistan and i want to become a writer.
i will be dancing all night in bangkok in december , as i said before ?
i hear voices and
have to close taps in some places in lahore?
what the hell?
I HAVE GONE INSANE THIS
YEAR IN 2016 , HEARING
VOICE AND THE LONG LIST
OF COMPULSIONS/
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?
I HEAR VOICES AND THE TAPS
BOTHER ME LIKE HELL,.
IT SEEMS AS IF THE WHOLE
WORLD IS AGAINST
ME AND THAT
THEY ARE ALL WATCHING
AND
ARE COMING TO GET ME
THE COMPULSIONS GO ON AND
ON
THE TAPS SCREW ME
I HEAR VOICES DAILY
I AM ILL.
THEY HAVE CAMERS IN MY
HOUSE AND ARE COMING TO GET ME
THEY ARE GETTING PLEASURE
OUT OF MAKING M SUFFER SO MUCH
GOD IS TO BE BLAMED
FOR ALL THE SUFFERINGS
IN THIS MISERABLE
WORLD
NOTHING CAN BE DONE
ACTUALLY/
I MISS TORONTO AND I STILL
WANT TO PARTY IN BANGKOK/
THERE ARE OTHER ISSUES
LIKE THERE MUST BE A WAR
BETWEEN INDIA AND
PAKISTAN./.
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?
WHY WERE WE SENT TO THIS
WORLD?
TO ROT AND TO SUFFER,
PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD
HAVE TO SUFFER SO MUCH/.
THIS ILLNESS HAS RUINED
EVERY THING
I AM SUFFERING SO
MUCH
I DONT KNOW WHAT IS
HAPPENING TO ME?//
HELP HELP HELP HELP
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
TODAY ON THE 28TH OF
SEPTEMBER 2016 , I WAS
GOING CRAZY HEARING VOICES
AND HAVING COMPULSIONS
THE TAPS BOTHER ME LIKE
HELL,.
I REALLY WANT TO PACK MY
THINGS AND
\ GO TO CANADA AND TO
CHILL IN TORONTO
SIT IN A BOOK
SHOP AND READ
CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS
ETC,
IT REALLY SEEMS AS IF I
WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH
THIS ILLNESS FOR THE REST
OF MY LIFE
I WANT TO DANCE ON INDIAN MUSIC IN CANADA,
BUT WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT GOD?
I AM SICK OF THIS BLOODY LIFE AND I DONT WANT TO LIVE!.
THIS IS THE BITTER
TRUTH,. BYE
|
