when will the sufferings end?.....God, religion, philosophy, obsessive compulsive disorder,schizophrenia ,depression,aliens,UFOS(unidentified flying objects),mental illness,covid 19 ...and the life after death...the earth is just a tiny dot in the universe!... I AM SICK OF THIS MISERABLE LIFE AND I WANT TO DIE!.

MY LIFE IS HELL.

i am sick of this bloody life and i dont want to live.

actually we have been sent to this world to rot and to suffer.

i dont know when these sufferings will end or if they ever will end or not.

as you guys know that i have  schizophrenia and obsessive compulsive disorder and my life is basically hell.  i have been suffering from this dammed illness since august , 2007.

which means that it has been more than 13 bloody years that i have been putting on with this shit.

i dont know what wrong i have done to deserve this.

God makes me suffer so much for no reason what so ever.

i dont know what can be done.

i hear voices almost every day and the compulsions bother me all day long.

as you know i have to close taps and switches where ever i go and have to go to places again and again, go to cities again and again and afcourse to do things again and again.

this virus has really screwed up things as well,

i cant even travel any where.

there is madness every where.

THE COMPULSIONS.

now lets discuss the compulsions;

i have issues in a lot of places in lahore and some places in islamabad.

there are issues at bus stations in different cities of pakistan.

we had a driver stealing things from us so we sent him to the police so i had to go to the police office or the thanna.

so i have issues at the police office.

i have issues at various jails in pakistan like adiyala jail,much jail and landi kotal jail.

at the shos house and the drivers house.

this is in islamabad.

the same compulsions,

at kheragali , a city where my step fathers niece goes and at her husbands farm some where.

a restaraunt in multan where i went with my relative.

the same issues at my fathers friends house in islamabad.

and at the metro of islamabad.

then there are issues at different drivers and cooks we have had who work for us.

i do not have to take their names.

same at chakwal and kallar kahar.

issues at a clothes shop in lahore where my mother bought me clothes.

same at her tailor.

issues at   houses of  barbers in multan,chitral and lahore.

issues at a woman and mans house and working places from  where i got my pedicure done.

the same issues at my step fathers farm house.

same at my mothers brothers house in sialkot.

same at my grand mothers brother and another relatives house.

stuff at a girls house from the village who used to play with me and at the house of a servent my father knew.

same at the house of a person my friend took me to.

same stuff at my fathers friends house in islamabad and murree.

the same at a driver and a servants house we had working at our house a long time ago.

same at a doctors clinic my mother took me to and at the people of that clinic.

same at a school called bets my mother put me in.

stuff at a house of my mothers friend and also her house in khanpur.

stuff at the house of my grand mothers friend.

issues to go to the dentist.

issues at the houses of three of my relatives in lahore.

now these are the compulsions which are bothering me and are screwing me like any thing.

this is not all.

there are compulsions to close switches and taps at various cities in pakistan for example in multan,shiekhupura,sargodha,nathiagalli,bhurban,murree,muzzaffarabad,neelum valley,gilgit.

we went to nathiagalli in 2013 where we stayed at  a hotel and i have issues to close switches and taps in that bloody hotel room.

now the compulsions which are bothering me are the ones in different cities and in peoples houses.

issues at the village of my cousions husband who is my grand fathers sisters daughter. and also issues at fort abbas , which is a city where the relatives of my cousion  wife who is my mothers sisters son.

another compulsion is that at a  city in pakistan called chitral.

i went to chitral two times to my fathers nephews house where he works  and i had issues to close taps and switches  over there and stuff like that.

 the one deadly compulsions which is bothering me is the one at the village.

my father goes to a village near the city of faislabad every year to put flowers on his parents grave and i am having compulsion to go over there and this is bothering me like hell.

i really do try to fight the compulsions by telling them  to go to hell and telling my self that i do not have to  do any thing but they still bother me.

as you know that i hear voices every day and the compulsions bother me all the time.

there is always some compulsion or obsessive thought which is bothering me.

there must be countless places where i have compulsions to do stuff but i have not gone there or i do not know about them.

i am having issues to close taps and switches and to go to different cities in pakistan and all that stuff.

what the hell is all this?.

THE VOICES.

the voices are deadly and i hear them almost every day.

they go on and on.

some times when i am hearing voices , then i also start getting a headache and go insane.

nothing can be done basically.

they tell me that the whole world is un real and that they are all part of the setup and that every one is against me and are going to do some thing bad to me.

and they also tell me to commit suicide and no matter how hard i try , i am un able to control them.

they just happen and nothing can fucking be done about them.

this is what bloody happens:

dont you get it joshwa?.

they are all watching you.

they are all coming to get you.

you are nothing but a coward.

a coward who wants to kill him self.

just go to sleep joshwa?.

its all going to be over soon joshwa , its all going to be over soon joshwa?.

you think you can cheat us , well you cant , .

you are just making a fool of your self you moron.

its all your fault,

its all your fucking fault.

this will not end.

you will have to live with this illness for the rest of your life my friend.

HEART SINKING:

my heart sinks and i feel very miserable,depressed and suicidal.

i am also fat and diabetic and every thing is ruined in my life.

i have not been spared in any way.

god has done this to me,

all these sufferings , i mean that whats the point of making people suffer so much for no bloody reason?.

and the virus is also screwing the world and i cant even travel any where.

i want to find my self in hawaii with my mothers sister naureen safdar butt , listening to the soothing voice of A.R.Rahman.

i miss it when i used to sing bruce springsteen , dancing in the dark in 2013 out side the eaten center in toronto,canada.

i miss canada and also the heart and the night clubs and the book shops of bangkok ,thailand.

they will put you in the adiyala jail in rawalpindi and beat the crap out of you.

i was chilling on beach in thailand,

i have been to thailand 12 times and i was also in combodia and i liked that too,

actually i love the far east and i want to live in toronto,canada or new york city, in the united states of america.

i love reading books and i want to become a writer and be famous.

it seems as if i will have to live with this illness for the rest of my life.

 the writers i like the most include , christopher hitchens , michel onfray and you will not belive the fact that american author dan barker is my very good friend.

i have not met him but i get an email from him after every few days.

i was really thinking about life and wondering that what happens in life after death.

the world is full of sufferings and we will have to rot and suffer in this world of misery and injustice and there are aliens , my friends , they do exist.

i want to be abducted by aliens and the earth is just  a tiny dot in the universe.

why cant i live in america?.

i have to read all the christopher hitchens books and also read michel onfrays great book again.

and i have to meet michel onfray,david silverman,salman rushdie and also dan barker along with ian mcewan and hisham matar.

and some one told me that i should get married and i was like, to hell with.

i am very close to ariba asghar butt, who is my grand fathers brothers daughter.

her brother passed away at the age of 14 then her father and then her 2 year old daughter.

my father is tanvir jafri and my mother is mahrukh butt.

my step fathers sisters son is my very good friends , he is danish jahangir khan and he lives in bangkok.

i want to go to bangkok party all night long and go to the book shops and the night clubs and rock the dance floor like any thing.

right now i am in my flat in islamabad,pakistan.

i actually live with my father as my mother is in lahore with my step father and i have spent half of my life in lahore and half in islamabad.

will the sufferings ever end or not?.

we have a party at our house in islamabad every friday night and i have fun.

my father told me that when this bloody covid 19 ends, we will go to bangkok via kathmandu.

i love the night life and the book shops of bangkok as i said before and i loved it in combodia, malaysia and singapore.

bangkok is amazing but combodia is also good.

i have been to pattaya many times and i love the  beaches and night life.

i have to read shantaram.

i miss athens,greece.

i went there in 2004 and loved it.

i cant get enough of bangkok,thailand.

i want to party at the world famous khao san road and party and eat nutella  banana pan cakes and go to all the book shops and buy many books.

i took a cruise on the bahamas in 2015 with my father.

i want to sell a  billion copies of my book.

i would love  that to happen , i have to read a lot of books before that.

i want to get rid of all my sufferings and become a writer and travel the world signing books.

i hope my sufferings end one day and i can do what i want to do.

right now i am at my flat in islamabad,pakistan using the lap top in my room and my room is full of books and my bed and i really want to get rid of  thoes bloody compulsions and hit the roads and travel to some other country and to party all night.

i really do wonder that what happens in life after death indeed.

DANIAL TANVIR.

7NTH FEBRUARY,2021

ISLAMABAD,PAKISTAN.

I AM SICK OF THIS BLOODY LIFE,GOD IS TO BE BLAMED FOR ALL THE MISERIES IN THIS WORLD,SOME ONE HELP PLEASE!.

my tolerance level has expired and what i mean by that is that i can not take these sufferings any more.

it has been twelve years that i have been suffering from this crap

i am in islamabad right now. 

i heard  voices yesterday and  i hear voices almost every day.

they tell me that the world is un real and that the whole world is a set up and that every one is against me and that they are all watching me.

i just can not take this any more,

enough is enough, i just want to die.

  

the voices go on and on,

dont you get it joshwa , this is all part of a set up?.

dont you get it ? they are all coming to get you?/

the voices can not be controlled no matter how hard i try to do that.

you guys might get angry that i repeat what i say and say it over and over again.

but cant help it  this is the illness i have and have   to suffer like this,

as i said before that this will not end.

i had gone to thailand for the new year and then i was in combodia for three weeks and then i was in qatar for four days.

the compulsions are the worst.

.there are nearly 100 places where i have issues to close taps and swithces in lahore and nearly 50 in islamabad.

we had a driver for many years and he had been steeling money and mobiles so we handed him over to the police but we later forgave him.

i will tell you that where i have compulsions.

the same taps and switches in my fathers village and at a police station near the village,

our driver had been stealing things so he was sent to the police station so i have issues there ,i had to make a couple of trips to that thanna or police station what ever it is.

and also at the drivers house and  at the SHOs house of the police station and different jails like the  adiala jail and the much jail and the landi kotal jail.

the same at  a hotel we stayed at in nathiagalli a city in pakistan where we stayed at inn 2013,the same at my grand fathers brothers sons wifes grand parents farm house in lahore.

the same at different cities like in gheragali , a city in northern pakistan where my step fathers sisters daughter  goes and also at her husbands farm house,

the same at my step fathers aunts house  in shiekhupura,a city in pakistan.

same at different cities like in a city called sargodha.

and gujranwala and saiwal and muzzaffarabad and neelum valley,peshawar and karachi and  srinagar.

same at some relatives house in kahuta , a city in pakistan.

same at my step fathers relatives

 house in outer lahore.

the same at a place called khanpur where my mothers friend has a house.

same at my step mothers friends flat in bhurban , a city in northern pakistan.

same at a house in murree of my fathers friend and the same at the house of a driver we had who came after the driver who stole our stuff. some stuff  at a place 

 called toba tek singh and tharparkar.

same at the house of my fathers servant who passed away in the village.

same at the house of a girl whom i used to play with me when i was a child ,she died in her village.

i went to multan to meet a relative so the bus stopped at a city  called  jhang where i have issues and then also at multan  , at a relatives 

 house and at a restaurant where i have issues where we went to to have food.


same at the house of the driver in multan , my  grand parents have had this driver since many years.

the compulsions bother me in lahore and islamabad in  addition to the compulsions in many cities in pakistan,.

i dont know what to say or what to do, now this is just worst than hell ,will this

 ever end?no one knows,.

so the thing is that there are issues to close taps and switches at many places in lahore , islamabad and many many places in pakistan.

i would like to express my love for thailand , bangkok inparticular/.

i have been there 11 times and i just love the night life and my  father is taking me again over there in december , if we have the money that is.

what can possibly be done?.

obviously god is to be blamed for all these miseries,  and i just cant take it any more, hearing  voices and the compulsions bothering me every day.

i dont do the compulsions but they bother me all the time and there must be many or countless



places where i  have to close taps and switches but i dont know about them or have not been there.

i just want to go and party all night long in bangkok and visit the book shops i like and chill   on the beach in pattaya,.

i want to enjoy my life in thailand and to live over there,.

but the problem is that we dont have enough money,.

i just want to die some times,.

will this illness ever end or not?.

i dont know what to say or what to do,

this is danial tanvir.

i hear voices and have compulsions.

right now i am in my flat in islamabad using the lap top on my bed.

i love reading books.

the writers i like  include christopher hitchens ,michel onfray,robert wright,david silverman and  on top of that i am very good friends with writer dan barker  and i get an email from him every other week.

i am what i am and  i have to become a writer.

i believe in aliens and i like the x files.

i dont know why god does this to me, how can this be allowed to happen?.

this is madness and this  is very unfair.

i have talked enough  about the voices and compulsions.

lets talk about nice stuff for example who much i love thailand and that means bangkok.

i was chilling on beach in thailand  which was in pattaya and then i was at times sqaure new york city.

salman rushdie came in my dream and christopher hitchens passed away.

i love the book shops

 of bangkok and my father and i hit the night clubs of bangkok.

we dont have that much money and i really do hope that i am able to go to bangkok for the new year.

when will the world end and when the sufferings of the people end?.

i dont know that and where does the universe keep on going and i am sure that there is life outside earth.

i am fucking sick of this bloody miserable life and i dont know what to do.

i love to read books and i get put off when i read a  book and  dont remember what i read in it but now i do remember what i read.

i have to buy books on religion from bangkok.

i know that thoes were the best days of my life when i was in hawaii with my mothers sister naureen safdar butt.

i have to read hundreds of books so i can write a bestseller  and a bestseller is inside me.

why were we made and what is the point of life?.

there is actually nothing to do in life but to suffer and rot.

this is what it is actually.

i just love the khao san road  in bangkok and i  cant get enough of it and
i just like to party all night long over there and i love the streets of bangkok and the  beaches of pattaya.

i love to read and i have a lot of books in my room.

coming back to the point , i hear voices almost every day.

  and the compulsions bother me all the time but i dont do them.

will i   really become a writer and sell billions of copies and will i  ever be cured of this illness?.

this is pure obsessive compulsive disorder and 

 it is schizophrenia.

i  also  feel very depressed and my heart sinks.

my health is being affected , i am fat and i eat too much and i am

 obese and diabetic and that is terrible.

i dont know what to do with this life i have been given.

what can possibly be done about this crap?.

i really do want to go to bangkok  to party.

the book shop i like the best is the 

 kinokuniya book shop in the siam paragon shopping mall in bangkok , thailand and buy books from there.

i have to go to lahore to discuss the compulsions with my mother and sort them out and then i might go to bangkok if we have the money.

UPDATE:i am sick of this bloody life and i dont want to live and i really want to go to bangkok,thailand.
i am sick of all this bull shit.

 SOME ONE HELP /

DO READ MY BLOG AND COMMENT!.

DANIAL TANVIR!.

i will have to live with this illness for the rest of my life it appears...why does god make people suffer?.i really want to go to america and live over there...cant wait to hit the night clubs of Bangkok man, and also the book shops of Bangkok !.

why is me life worst than hell?.i do not deserve to suffer like this and it is obvious that these sufferings will not end.

as i said that god is to be blamed for all these sufferings.

i had gone to malaysia and thailand in december.january and then i was in baku,azerbaijan and tiblisi,georgia. and then i was in bangkok two months ago.

i heard voices three times in one month and they were deadly also on my 25th birthday.

now lets discuss the compulsions

i might have said these before but i have to say them again.

this is the list of crap that i have to do.

THE COMPULSIONS.

ISLAMABAD ETC.

closing taps at my fathers university in islamabad.

.taps at

 a pertrol pump.

taps at my grand fathers sisters house in islamabad.

the same at my fathers nephews house.

taps at my step mothers house

taps and switches  at a rest house we stayed at in Peshawar of my fathers friends taimur. 

taps and switches at a rest house we stayed at in Karachi at my fathers nephews place hassan.

a tap at a market near where we live in islamabad.

the same stuff at f9 park.

the same at a glasses shop.

the same at an aunty maryams house.

taps at 2 macdonalds in islamabad .

the same at crown plaza hotel.

same at uncle luckys saloon.

same at aleeza auntys house

taps at a girl i knews house. the same at jahangir restaraunt.

taps at a food shop.

taps at various filteration plant in islamabad.

taps at my harmonium teachers house who is sarfaraz.

the same at a person called daniels house.

taps at a girls  house i know was was a  model.

taps and switches  at my english literature teachers house in islamabad.

the same at mister cod,an eating place.

taps and switches at pizza hut near saeed book bank  another restaurant near it.

taps at my teachers sumairas two houses.

switches and taps at the apartment we live at called khudadad hieghts.

taps at mega zone a place where there are shops.

some stuff at a tehzeeb market like taps and switches,\

some stuff at a market we used to go to pick up sarah aunty.

stuff at talmeez uncles house in rawalpindi.

stuff at my grand fathers sisters house in karachi.

and stuff at a town called kahota.

taps at an arts place i used to go to.

stuff at our driver sajjads house.

taps at two girls i know in islamabad.

taps at my law teachers   house , and also his new house if he has shifted from that house,and my sociology teachers  house as well as her new house if she has shifted from that house.

stuff at a girl called humairahs house.

taps etc at a  market I went to pick up sarah aunty   from.

taps at a vet shop where I went to get a dog many years ago/

taps at pizza hut  which is near saeed book bank ,in Islamabad as well as another restaurant near it.

taps at some girls hosues who are sania,uswa and urwa.

stuff at my friend hikmatayars house.

taps at a sufi saints house where i as taken .

taps and switches at allama Iqbal open university.

taps and switches at a dominos pizza shop in Islamabad.

taps and switches at an academy in Islamabad owned by a couple called the Uppals.
the same taps and switches at my maths , world affairs and psychology teachers houses in Islamabad.

taps and  switches at a restaurant in Islamabad where my fathers friend went to get food made .
taps and switches at a girl called mahi who came to our house as well as a model kim and also a model called urooj.


switches and taps of a girl called goria who comes to our house.
taps and switches at a girl I met at an academy where I used to study

and also taps and switches at another academy I studied at by my teacher.
taps and switches at a gym of  a person I met in Islamabad.
taps and switches at  a bakery where I went to get a pizza as well as taps and switches at a restaurant right opposite it.
taps and switches  at khudadad hieghts  where we live as well as as a tap at the market opposite it and taps and switches at a person called alis flat at khudadad hieghts.
taps and switches at a mosque near the shifa medical hospital in Islamabad.
taps and switches at a girl I knew who used to come to our house called urooj.
taps and switches at a girl called annas house who comes to our house.
taps and switches at the sauda sulf market.

have to give

 money to the barber for the hair cut although I gave him the money but have to give extra. and also money to give to the computer guy for fixing the computer although I gave him the money but have to give extra

taps and switches at the singer abida parveen and her sons house where I went to learn music.

.

money I have to give to a guy I went to buy a charger although I did not buy the charger.
taps and switches at my maths teacher taquirs house as well as other Urdu and islamiat teacher nazeers house.
taps and switches at  two girls houses  rabia and naina.
taps and switches at a physics teachers house at an academy I used to go to run by the uppals as well as taps and switches over there.
taps and switches at a house rented by a girl called humaira who used to live at our old house as she had a fight with another women and taps and switches at her house
taps and switches at 12 year old boys house who wrote in the exams for me.
taps and switches at a Christian teacher I had.
taps and switches at a man called cooky who come to our house.
taps and switches at imperial , I used to go to which is a school and  taps and switches at a girl called anums house.
taps and switches at  a pizza hut near the saeed book bank and a restaurant next to it.

taps and switches at ali saleems house and taps and switches at the parliament building where my father used to work in Islamabad.

taps and switches at two models who came to our house.
THE LAHORE COMPULSION


THESE ARE THE COMPULSIONS AND I HAVE TO DO ALL THESE LONG  LIST OF COMPULSIONS .

taps at a salon where i go to get my pedicure done.

taps at my old school called sisa.

taps at my grand mothers sisters sons old house in lahore as well as the new one.

same stuff at my mothers cousion hinas house.

taps and switches at my fathers village.

same at my mothers  cousion netashas  house.

taps at a tailor where my mother goes to get her clothes  fixed.

the same at my mothers friends shellas clinic.

same taps at a doctor i was taken to called jovinda.

same at my grand mothers brothers house.

same at a a school i was put in called bets.

same at my step fathers farm house in lahore.

same at the place where my  fathers brothers funeral took place.

same at a hotel we stayed at when i came back from bangkok.

taps at an architect where my mother went to.

taps and switches  at aitchison college where i used to study at in Lahore.

taps and switches at the buildings near Aitchison college in lahore

same at my fathers old house in a colony called geo are.

taps at punjab club.

taps at my maths teachers house.

taps at  at an academy i went to  to study.

taps at a friends house i had from aitchison.

taps at my fathers relative  shugufta auntys house.

taps at my relative hassan bhais house.

taps at my fathers brothers house.

taps and switches  at doctors  hospital  which is a hospital in lahore.

the same at my cousion shahrezes old and new houses.

taps and switches  at my grand parents house in tech society and the tap  at the entrance gate as well as tap at my grand  fathers brothers house and my cousion aribas husbands house and another tap in tech society  at the filteration plant.

another tap at the end street of tech society.

taps at  the daewoo bus stops  in between the stops of daewoo between lahore and islamabad and at all the stops.

taps at the readings book shop/

taps at the gulberg and other macdonalds.

same stuff at hotel we  stayed at during eid in lahore

taps at the filteration plant in zaman park.

a tap in the ground of zaman park.

taps and switches at my step fathers house in Lahore as well as windows in various rooms.

taps at geety auntys house, my step   fathers friend.

we went to sargodha which is a city in pakistan for a marriage and i have to close taps at that daewoo stop and taps at the marriage halls rooms

taps at nathiagalli where i went to years ago , i have to close them in a hotel, this compulsion has been bothering me since the middle of 2013

taps at a dentist.

taps at mayo gardens.

taps at my mothers friends marias house.

taps at my mothers brothers offfice.

taps at a doctor khalida tareen i have been taken to.

taps at the punjab univeristy.

taps and switches at a some ones house my grand mother knew in punjab university which is a university in Lahore.

taps at the accupunture clinic and at a doctor i was  taken to.

taps at a family memeber called salmans house.

taps at places in pakistan like muzzaffarabad,multan and saiwal.

taps at markets near my mothers friend humairah auntys house.

 taps at jinnah hospital.

taps at darakshan auntys house.

taps at my mothers cousion faiqas house.

taps at my teacher fahad dauds house.

taps at hotels like manal and rinas/

taps at hospitals like naseer hospital and defence hospital.

taps at the national  college of arts.

taps at my mothers friend looloo aunts house.

taps at ameena bajis house.

taps at humaira auntys house.

taps at my mothers 3 friends mariam , shella and shirin auntys house.

taps at khurram uncles house.

taps at the american school.

taps at my cousions wifes house.

the same at an office my mother used to go to.

the same at a nutritionist my mother used to go to.

taps at different boys in aitchison i knew like ismail,asim , hassan and qasim.

taps at the exam hall i went to.

the same at the lahore literary festival in alhamra.

taps at an  old lady my mother  knew.

the same at a house where our driver went to give mangoes to.

same at my mothers friend timmys house.

same at the packages mall

same at a store called pace

switches at a clothes shop.

the movie place my mother took  my cousions son to watch  a movie.

taps at the mosque in tech society.

same at my mothers brothers friends house called mashdi.

taps at gymkhana hotel.

a tap i saw when i was travelling on the motorway of lahore/islamabad.

taps at khurram uncles house.

same at avari and pearl continental hotel.

same taps and switches  at a park called tracks where we used to go to have food and  taps and switches at a shop  next to the park where my mother buys clothes for me.

same taps and switches  at my step  mothers sisters house.

same taps and switches at my step fathers office and his nieces office.

taps at the polo lounge.

same at the islamabad 2 airports.

taps at staff college , where my father used to work.

taps at gujurawala.

taps at alfatah , a shopping place.

taps at a  market where i went to get my phone fixed .

same stuff at murree and multan.

same at my fathers relatives  house jawad.

same at my tecahers rabias house.

same at my cousions wifes mothers house.

same at the macdonalds of fortress.

same at the house of my fathers brothers son.

taps and switches at my fathers brothers sons house in Lahore as well as taps and switches at  his house in the hills some where in murree or nathiagalli which are hill stations in Pakistan.

same at various teachers house in lahore and islamabad.

same at my grand mothers brothers house who now lives in canada.

same at some bloody cinema.

same at a hill station khera galli where my step fathers niece goes.

same at my step fathers two nieces houses in zaman park and other houses in zaman park

same at some houses in zaman park.

same at my step fathers nieces husbands village.

same at my grand fathers relative farasat bajis house/.

same at a dentist called rehman and rehmans.

same at a dentist my mother took me to called doctor dildar and doctor sarah and the same taps and switches at the houses and the relatives of them , the doctors dildar and sarah.

same at the crown plaza hotel in lahore.

same at 2 macdonalds in lahore.

same at some village girl and  multan.

same at my mothers friends silvat auntys house.

same at the saint i was taken to .

same at my fathers friend doctor kazmi and the hotel in lahore where he is a doctor in.

same at doctor kazmis house in Lahore.

same at pizza hut and the  kitchen cuisine near it.

same at the lahore zoo.

same at the wapda house.

same at the lahore stock exchange.

same  at the jalal sons market and also the alfatah market.

same taps at the barber shop and taps near it in the market

same at a market where i  went to get the phone fixed,. 

same at bubbly auntys house who is related to my grand mother.

same at my old school kids campus.

same at the shukat khanum injection lab.

same at lums.

same at the tcs shop.

same at the hot spot in defence.

same at the dha cinema .

same at the hotel my father stayed at when he went to lahore.

same at my grand fathers factory.

same at a place called johar town.

same at my mothers cousions husband  khurram uncles old and new house.

same stuff  at a woman called faridas

whom my grand mother knew.

same at the office my mother used to go to.

get my self checked.

same at the old and new house of a  lady tailor my mother went to get her clothes fixed.

same at a wedding hall in lahore.

same taps in a market in gulberg near where they sell peanuts next to the monal restaurant.

same stuff at my fathers friend nasim auntys house.

same at my grand mothers friends shahida auntys house.

same at my fathers friends house mahroo auntys house.

same at the jinnah parks .

same at the buildings in the toll  plaza next  to the daewoo bus stop

obviously taps and switches at all the Daewoo bus stop between Lahore and Islamabad and at Sargodha.
switches and taps at jalal sons , a store in Lahore.
some taps and switches  at a market where I went to get the phone fixed in Lahore.
taps  and switches at my mothers cousions usmans old and new house.

in Lahore in 2006, my grand father was ill and was about to die , he was put in a hospital in defence in Lahore and the issue is to close the  taps and switches over  there and there was a  house  right next to it where a teacher of islamiat from Aitchison college used to live so the issue is  to close the taps and switches over   there as well.
taps and switches at my islamiat tecahers house from Aitchison college.

taps and switches at a hotel where I went to many years ago for a wedding where this was a big swimming pool.
taps and switches at a  maths teachers who used to come to tech society to teach me maths as well as another teacher of English who came to teach me in zaman park at my step fathers house.
 taps and switches at an old English teacher who used to teach me in Lahore of whom house I used to go to study maths.
taps and switches at a young English teacher who used to teach me in my grand parents house in tech society.
taps and switches at a mans house whom my grand father helped.
taps and switches at my fathers friends nasim auntys house in Lahore.
taps and switches at a doctor my mother took me to many years ago in Lahore.
taps and switches at hotels in Thailand and in Karachi.
taps and switches at my step fathers sisters sons wifes mothers house in Lahore.
taps and switches at my step fathers sisters ex husbands house.
taps and switches at a principle and another guy at Aitchison college when I was studying there.
taps and switches  at a place where my mothers cousion hinas birthday took place.
taps and switches at a committee where my mother went to in Lahore.
taps and switches at my mothers friend humairas house as well as taps at a market near by.
the same at by cousion ali bhais  wifes mothers house in Lahore.
same at the kitchen cuisine bakery in defence in Lahore near neelum bajis house.
taps at the mosque at tech society and taps at another mosque near mall  road and taps at a mosque  my mothers cousion took me to many years ago.
taps and switches at my mothers cousion hinas ex husband house in Lahore.
taps and switches at my grand mothers sisters sons old and new house  in Lahore.
taps and switches at my grand mothers sisters son wifes friends hosue.
taps and switches at a hotel me father will stay at in Lahore while he is going to china.
taps at my grand fathers brothers daughter  aribas grand mothers house in Lahore.
same stuff at the cd shop and macdonalds at fortress stadium in Lahore.
same taps and switches at my fathers friend tony uncles house in Lahore.
taps and switches at the cmh hospital in Lahore or what ever it is called,
taps and switches at my grand mothers friend ismat auntys house.
the same taps and switches at my grand mothers other brothers house.
taps and switches where I met a lady my grand mother knew called farida.
taps and switches at my grand fathers brothers house in Lahore who now lives in Canada.
taps and switches at my fathers friend from lahores house as well as the taps and switches where they will stay at while going to china.
taps and switches at two servants house who work at my step fathers house in Lahore and also taps and switches at another servants house who worked for us may years ago as well as taps and switches at a servants house who worked for us many  years ago as well as taps and switches at another workers house who worked for my step fathers brother as well as taps and switches at an old ladys house who worked for us as well taps and switches at another  young ladys house who used  to work at my step fathers house in Lahore.
taps and switches at my fathers brothers sons house in Lahore.
taps and switches at a friends house in Peshawar , I had this friend from Aitchison college in Lahore.
taps and switches at a friends house in Karachi , I had this friend from Aitchison college in Lahore.
taps and switches at a boy from Aitchison shahzores house as well as taps and switches at a house of a boy called azizullah.
taps and switches at a house in multan of a friend I had from Aitchison college.
taps and switches at a house of a friend from Gujrat I had at Aitchison  college.




taps and switches at the shukat khanum laboratory where I went to get my blood report as well as another laboratory where I went to get my test done.

taps and switches  at my english literature teachers house as well as pakistan studies teachers academy in Lahore.

taps and switches at the Pakistan studies house or his relatives house although I don't even know where that is and I have not even been there.

taps and switches at the English literature teachers sons or daughters or other relatives house as well as taps and switches at relatives of the Pakistan studies teacher.

taps and switches at a boys house who used to come to the academy where the man taught Pakistan studies as well as taps and switches at a brother and sister who used to come to the mans academy where he taught Pakistan studies.
to pick up a door mat and throw it in to the canal near the zafar ali road in Lahore.
taps and switches at a store where I have to to buy a stapler from a market called anees book corner to staple the papers on which I wrote these lists of compulsions
there are a couple of books I have in Lahore  in my room as well as a couple in my room in Islamabad which have stains or have misprints in them and I have a compulsion to dispose them off like throwing them in to a canal or throwing them away.
taps and switches at abida parveen the singer and her sons house where  I went to learn music.

taps and switches at different childrens houses at the school sisa I used to go to in Lahore.

taps and switches at my mothers friend silvat auntys house.
taps and switches at my mothers friend humairas fathers house who passed away.
our driver mumtazes house in multan.
a friends of my cousions house , nina auntys house.
my mothers friend naheed  anutys house.
taps and switches at some ones house I went to many years ago where the movie problem child was being played.
taps and switches at a house of   a relative of my step father whoes daughter is excpecting.
taps and switches at  a building near tech society.
my grand mothers sisters sons wifes brothers house .
taps and switches at khanpur lake where my mothers friend shella has a house in.

taps and switches at my mothers brothers friends house who came back from America.
taps and switches at a maid we had at our geo are house in Lahore and at an old mans house .
taps and switches my grand fathers sisters old house in Lahore.
taps and switches at a farm lands my step father took me many years ago.
taps and switches my mothers friends house that was donated to Aitchison college.

taps and switches at my grand mothers friend shahada auntys house.
taps and  switches at my mothers brothers wifes friends house.
taps and switches my mothers cousions wifes mothers house.
taps and switches at an old ladys hosue my mother knew.
taps and switches at the cd shop near variety book shop.
taps and switches at my step fathers relative aunty batools house and at shiekhupura.
taps and switches at a theif who stole my cousions money as well as taps and switches at two servants we have at my grand parenst house.
taps and switches at the chugtai lab where I get the blood test done.
taps and switches at a house which was of the sui gas where my grand father worked.
taps and switches at a teacher I had from  icas school in Islamabad.
taps and switches at a building which looks like its from saudia arabia.
taps and switches at my mothers cousion shahids house.
taps and switches at doctor sarahs house and clinic where  I went to check my  teeth.
taps and switches at different childrens house from Aitchison college.
taps and switches at a café in Lahore and other buildings.
taps and switches  in the end of tech society.
taps and switches at a boys house from Aitchison college.
taps and switches at a physics teachers house I had many years ago.
taps and switches at houses between the Lahore and Islamabad motor way.
taps and switches at a drivers house called nasir whom my grand father had many years ago.
taps and switches at my mothers cousions wifes brothers  house.
taps and switches at hikmatayars house and his house in abbodtabad.
taps and switches at an old ladys house I met in the Daewoo bus while going from Islamabad  to Lahore.
taps and switches at an old mans house whom I met in the Daewoo bus while going from Lahore to Islamabad.



taps and switches at a house my step mothers friend had  in nathiagalli or murree which are hill stations in Pakistan.
taps and switches at the Punjab university and  a ladys house and an English teacher I had who used to come to my grand parents house to teach me.
taps and switches at a pizza hut in Lahore and at a kitchen cuisine near it.

taps and switches at my grand mothers brothers sons second wifes house  called sidra.

taps and switches at my grand mothers sisters sons wifes brothers house and their other relatives house in Lahore.

taps and switches at a lady doctor my mother took me to many years ago.


taps and switches at my mothers friend ranis house and a building they donated at Aitchison college and a building they owned in Lahore where I went to do camping for one night when I was studying in Aitchison college in the middle of 2004.
taps and switches at the hotel my father stayed at in Lahore while going to china and the taps and switches at my fathers friend shahids  house

taps and switches at my grand mothers brothers wifes relatives house in Lahore.

taps and switches at a barber I went to get my hair cut ,taps and switches at a shopping mall in Lahore called pace and also a shopping mall called alfatah.
taps and switches at a doctor my mother took me to who asked if I was married or not.

taps and switches at my grand mothers brothers house and the kfc (Kentucky Fried Chicken)
and at the cinnabon restaurant  in Lahore
taps and switches at my mothers friend humas house.
there is a drug addict called moin who lives at my step fathers house in zaman park,lahore and the issue is to close taps and switches at the clinic he went to and the friends or girl friends that he had.


taps and switches at my mothers friend shellas two daughters husbands.
taps and switches at my mothers brothers friends house who came  from America .
taps and switches at a  house of a principle and another persons house who were at the sisa school I used to go to.
taps and switches at houses of the servants at my grand parent and step fathers house.
taps and switches at the pizza hut in Lahore and the kitchen cuisine .


taps and switches at my step fathers brothers ex wifes house.taps and switches at jinnah hospital and the Punjab university and taps and switches at a persons house in Punjab university , a person my grand mother knew.
taps and switches at murree, which is a hill station in Pakistan ,I have to close taps and switches



 in different buildings and my fathers friends house.


taps and switches at children from Aitchison like hassan and ali.
taps and switches  at my fathers friend mahroo auntys  maids house and taps and switches at her parents or relatives houses or whom ever she knew  or every one she knew.
taps and switches at my mothers cousion faiqas house.

taps and switches at the persons house  who was the head master in Aitchison college when I was studying there
as well at taps and switches at the house of the principal of Aitchison college.

taps and switches at the house in Lahore of my grand mothers sisters daughter hinas ex husbands house.
taps and switches at the variety book shop in Lahore although I don't think there are any taps and switches over there.
taps and switches at the houses of different children  from Aitchison college in  Lahore , or the sisa school in Lahore or imperial school in Islamabad.
taps and switches at a women who used to take care of the children in the boarding school of Aitchison college when I was studying there.
taps and switches at two maids in tech society in my grand parents house.

taps and switches at my step fathers sisters husband whom she divorced many years ago.
taps and switches at my step fathers sisters sons  wifes mothers house.
taps and switches at a function my mother went to.
taps and switches at the jinnah park my mother and I went for a walk to.

I was travelling between islamabad to Lahore or Lahore to Islamabad , and I saw a man who was producing noises by moving his fingers and the compulsion is to close taps and switches at his house as well at his relatives house or every one or people he knows.
taps and switches at some buildings in Lahore.


taps and switches at our driver mumtazes  house where his daughters live in multan.

taps and switches at the house of a girl who used to play with me  at my grand parents house , her name was sherry,many years ago , she died , and I have to close the taps and switches at her house, where ever the house is in , multan or some where else and also to close taps and switches at her relatives house or all the people she knew.




taps and switches at the house in Lahore or Islamabad of two ladys that came to our house , one lived in south Africa and another in sri lanka.


taps and switches at a cinema we went to watch a movie.
taps and switches at my mothers cousion faiqas old and new home.
taps and switches at my fathers friend taimurs house and his cooks house etc.
taps and switches at a house in Sargodha of  a friend  I had .

to close taps at the filteration plant in zaman park continue to haunt me and also the taps in the park of zaman park and to close the gates at zaman park.
taps and switches at a rich persons house in zaman park and all the taps and switches at every ones house in zaman park and tech society which are colonies in Lahore.
taps and switches at every ones houses and  restaurants and the daewoo stops in many cities in Pakistan like in Muzaffarabad , multan , Sahiwal,abbottabad and Gujranwala,sargodha,bahalwalpur and many other cities,and also taps at their Daewoo bus stops
.
taps and switches every where in Lahore, all the other Pakistani cities  and in Pakistan and in the world.
 I will have to go to Lahore to celebrate my birthday and sort out the compulsions with my mother,
the issue is to do all these compulsions and also to go to Lahore, do the compulsions and then come back and then go back and then come again,
what the hell?.
I will fight all this shit!.

most of all taps and switches every where

and the list goes on and on...

?.

now what the fuck is all this.?.

and that is not all , there is more bull shit to come.

there must be countless places where i have not been or seen where i must have compulsions to close switches and taps in.

now how can this be  allowed to happen to me?.

this is too much!.

THE VOICES.

i heard voices on my 25th birthday  and i went totally crazy and then i heard voices two times after that which were just deadly.

they go on and on.

half of the day  i think about the compulsions and i hear voices,

the strange part is that i do not do the compulsions  but i just do think about them.

i must have heard voices atleast 2050 times in my life if not more or not less.

nothing can be done about this crap.

the voices go on and on.

don't you get it joshwa?

this is all part of the set up?

they are all watching you!.

you are nothing but a coward,

nothing but a coward who wants to kill him self.

you think you that you can cheat on us?.

well you know what

?

you cant?.

they are all watching you.

they are all coming to get you.

it seems as if the whole world is un real and that every one is against me and that they are all coming to get me.

and it is obvious that these bloody sufferings will not end and i will have to live with this illness for all of this bloody life.

and i know that this is pure obsessive compulsive disorder and it is schizophrenia.

and the list of compulsions goes on and on and thats all i can think about and i hear voices many times a week or many times a day .and what the  hell is this?.

and i don't want to live in this stupid country pakistan , i want to live in america and i want to go to New York City and have fun.

i want to party and i want to read books,

you know i managed to read 6 books and i Love reading books.

and i would love to go to the barnes and noble book shop in new york city and buy 50 books and then read them.

thoes were the best days of my life when i was in hawaii.

will this illness ever end?.

who made us and why are we here in this world of misery and injustice//?

i love reading books on religion and philosophy.

salman rushdie lives in new   york city and christopher hitchens passed away in houston,texas.

there are some books i have to read like "experiencing god" and "not in gods name"


when i go to barnes and nobel in new york city, i will go straight away to  the religion section and buy books and party all night long  like i did in bangkok.

yes, we hit the night clubs of   bangkok as well.
i get put off when i read a book and don't remember what i have read in it!.

maybe some UFOS (unidentified flying objects) abducted me.

what can be said about god ?.

god actually gets pleasure out of making people suffer for no reason what so ever.

i want to become a writer and publish my book, meet my favourite writers and to travel the world and enjoy my self.

i wish that i could go to America one day and live over there and party with all the writers i like , etc.

but this illness,

it will not end and i will have to rot like this with this illness for the rest of my life.

i have to go to Lahore and discuss the compulsions  and do the rotten birthday and then get the  hell out of this bloody country!.

i do miss the heart of bangkok and all the book shops and the night life as i have been to thailand  ten times and i love  to hit the night clubs of bangkok and party all night long.
will these sufferings ever end or not?
i mean its been 11 years and one month that i have been suffering from this tired crap, and my life really is HELL!.

 UPDATE:

I just cant take these sufferings any more.
all this stuff might not end.
I just want to get rid of all this stuff and go to Bangkok and party!.

MY LIFE IS HELL.
WHEN WILL THE SUFFERINGS END?
I LOVE BANGKOK!.

UPDATE

 I was just thinking that this illness might not ever end and I will be 80 years old and will still be hearing voices and getting disturbed by the compulsions to close taps and switches ,  what the hell can be done?.



UPDATE:
I am bloody sick of this life and I want to die , I don't know why I was ever born.










UPDATE:

now if you guys have read every thing above you can realize what hell I have to go through, well you know what I am going to Bangkok in December 2018 and will party all night long guys!.



UPDATE:

I really miss new York city and Toronto and the book shops and the book shops and night clubs of Bangkok.
I wonder when the day will come when this illness is over and I become a writer.
for the last nearly ten years I go to sleep every day hoping that the sufferings will end

but then don't end.
what the fuck?.

bye , danial tanvir.