Monday, July 29, 2013

What can i possibly do???..

why are we  here?
who made us
why  is life  so  miserable?
I have been in Canada  for less than 2 months,how ever I am going back tomorrow,a flight from Toronto to Lahore,
I really do miss Islamabad and I do miss my beloved father,
I feel depressed  and my heart continues to sink,

I did  not have fun in Canada  but I still feel bad going back,

obsessive  compulsive disorder is what my life is all about, I have been suffering from it for 5 years and 11 months,
as you know that I have to  close switches and taps here and there and I know that when I go back  to my own country,pakistan, I will have to do all that shit,
I might have to do stuff as my step father and grand  parents  house there in Lahore and trust me this obsessive compulsive disorder can be worst than hell and torture and I might have to do these bloody compulsions  there and it really sucks,

I have been to the book shop  many many times

I bought "why I am not a muslim"
by author Ibn Warraq and also

"restless" by novelist william boyd and also
"the disappearance of the universe"

by gary renard and some one gave me a present , the book
"the lanuage of god"

I do like indian music and I do miss the heart of Bangkok which I fell in love  with some time ago,

I feel great misery in this world and you know that I am mentally ill and this illness does not seem to get cured no matter how hard  I try,
I hear voices and have compulsions,

life is miserable and in my case  its just impossible,

I just cant wait to be back in my nice room in Islamabad,pakistan  and to decorate all those bloody books on the  dammed shelf,
I really want to be back home in my lovely Islamabad and  to go to school.

the bloody compulsions continue to bother me and I have had just about enough but after all Pakistan  in my own country and I can always go to the book shops in Pakistan , I really  do want to go and live in Islamabad, I miss it a lot and I want to dance on the  music in Islamabad

I miss Islamabad so much that I was  about  to cry looking at pictures of Islamabad on google,

I do hope that this bloody mental illness of mine is cured , as you know about my obsessive compulsive disorder,and I do hear voices off and on , a  few times a week,

I went to the indigo book shop at eaten center and it was  nice,

I said  good bye to my friend who I made at the book shop,
and atleast I got some books from this bloody trip,

please read my blog and leave comments,
I will be very  happy when I am going to Islamabad on the bus from Lahore on Daewoo, I can not wait for this to happen.

bye,Danial Tanvir.
29th of July,2013
the planet earth.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

i am in Canada but am missing the heart of Islamabad.

hello there,
I have not been well recently,
I am very depressed and I feel great misery in life,
how ever ,life is meaningless and there is nothing to do in life except to rot in this miserable world,

obsessive compulsive disorder has ruined every thing,
as you know I have to close switches and taps here and there in Pakistan but that shit has followed me in Canada,
I have to flush the toilet 4 times in some dammed bath room in Toronto, this drives me insane and I do hear voices some times,

the trip to Canada has been a nightmaire, I have been able to read some books and most lately read "the light between oceans" by M.L.Stedman,
I bought Christopher Hitchens book on god and also kept the Ibn Warraq book on hold in the eaten center book shop ,Toronto as it is not available in Pakistan , my father is having a boll of a time in London and New York,
I really want to buy a few books,
coming back to the point , I am home sick, I mean seriously for some reasonI am missing Pakistan too too much, I miss the heart of Islamabad,
I really just want to go back to my own country PAKISTAN,

I will be in Lahore before my father comes black from the USA,
I just want to buy as many books as I can and run from Canada and trust me , I am never coming to this bloody Canada again and also:

I MISS Islamabad, I want to read P.G Woodhouse ,Karen Armstrong , all this is the memory of christopher hitchens , I can always go to the readings book shop in Lahore or saeed book bank in Islamabad,

I want to be back in my beloved room in Islamabad,
I have never missed my lovely Pakistan so much in the history and now I will be in islamabad but will have to wait for a few days in Lahore and I have to give my exams and go to Bangkok via Kathmandu or perhaps Sri Lanka and party on the great music and visit the book shops,
SOME one help me with this bloody OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

I LOVE Islamabad , MISS my own  lovely beloved country Pakistan!.

bye,danial tanvir,
16nth of july,2013