Thursday, August 3, 2017

MY LIFE IS HELL...why cant i start a new life in canada?.... the sufferings will never end it appears.

hello every one

its Danial and i really do need some help

i had gone  to Thailand for 23 days
I was   in Bangkok,Pattaya and Phuket
i had a nice time ., this was my 8th time in Thailand,
I rocked the dance floor on the streets of Bangkok and I swam in the beaches of pattaya and was lovely,
i also hear some voices off and on
i read David Slvermans book and got an email from him/
his  book was really great and I Loved it.
i was really going through hell the day before yesterday/


 i am really sorry  for bothering  you with the same old crap but what it is  , i must tell you/

COMPULSIONS:


 i have to close switches and taps at scattered places in Islamabad like my law and sociology teachers house etc.
taps and switches at my step fathers farm house  near Lahore
taps switches at a   school called bets where my mother put me.

taps switches at my grand mothers brothers house in Lahore/
taps at a  tailor where my mother goes to get her clothes made,

taps at my mothers cousions    house

taps and switches  at the daewoo stops in Lahore/Islamabad.
taps at a doctor where i went.
taps at my English literature   teachers house in Lahore


taps switches at my history and geography  teachers academy in Lahore.


taps at the entrance of tech  society where my grand parents house it

taps at the filteration plant in the colony where my grand parents house


taps at my mothers fathers brothers house in Lahore

taps and switches at my grand parents house in tech society in Lahore



taps at  the readings book shop in Lahore


taps and switches at my step fathers house in Lahore in Zaman park,

a tap in the park  in zaman park/
taps in the macdonalds in Lahore.
taps at the filteration plant in zaman park near my step  fathers house.
taps at a palour where I went to get pedicure  done.
taps etc at an school of mine.
taps and all at my grand mothers sisters sons  previous house.
maybe the same taps at  aitchison college.
i also have  issues to close taps and switches at a hotel in Nathai Galli  which is a city in northern Pakistan where i went a  couple of years ago..............and the list goes on and on.


and thats not it.

there must me countless places where i have to close switches and taps but i do not know about them.
this is worst then hell and i dont know what to do about .
VOICES


now lets discuss the voices/


i hear voices several times a day and some times several times a  week,
i think about the taps compulsions all day long and all the time and the voices screw me . / they make me want to die and nothing can be done/




i must have heard voices countless times in these two years and i have suffered so much that you can not imagine/



the voices go on and on


dont you get it Joshwa ?

this is all part of the set up
they are all coming to get you?


you are nothing but a  coward


a coward who wants to kill him self
they are all watching you



they have camers in your house
they  have chips in your brain


how could you do such a thing joshwa?

how could you do such a thing?

you think you can cheat on us?well  you cant


you must close all the taps in lahore
you must close all thoes taps in all thoes places


i feel as if every one is against me and that the whole world is a setup and that they are all watching me=


my father
my mother


they are all the setup

HEART SINKING

my heart sinks , i feel so miserable,lonely and depressed....



i dont know what the fuck to do

i have suffered enough


and enough is enough

and i say that again and again


it is obvious that this illness   will never fucking end.


BOOKS

i love reading books and i get put off when i read  a book and dont remember what i read


i  read "fighting god" by david siverman  two times and  i also got an email from him.




i am really fed up of this life and i dont know that what the fuck i should bloody do/


i have had enough and my nerves are not that strong to cope with this shit


some times i just dont want to live any more and no one cares

if there is a  god then he is very cruel ., making people suffer so much for no reason


and you do know that my life is hell and it is no use even writing all this shit



whats  the point of making me suffer so much?




i mean really literally go through hell

has  some one cursed me or done black magic on me and as a matter of fact next month its going to be 10 years     that i  have been suffering from this tired crap

enough enough i say


apparently this will not end /.
 i dont think  that i want to do any thing in life/


i have given up this battle against this illness which is ruined every thing/

as i said i was in thailand for a  few days and rocked the dance floor in bangkok on some music and also went to my favourite book shop and bought some books

i really like that book shop in Bagnkok

right now i am in islamabad in my house

/
i miss the heart of Canada and toronto

thoes were the  best days of my life when i was in Hawaii


this is pure obsessive compulsive disorder and schizophrenia and this is my fucked up miserable life and no one gives a dam and i go through agony and misery and nothing can be done about it /.


i cant live
i cant die
what can i do?

i am hungry and want to have some thing nice to eat




I am so sick of every thing and I don't want to live.
I don't know if I really
 want to become a writer or not but right now I just want to die.
I hate god very much.

he is pure cruel and heart less,maybe some UFOS(unidentified flying objects) abducted me some time ago.



I don't want to live / I really want to die.
life is hell.




why cant I  just fix the compulsions , pack up all my books and start a new life in Canada , I am really stuck in this shit whole called Pakistan.



god should be brought to justice for the crimes he has commited
I don't know what  to do.
I just want to go to Toronto and take it easy with Michel onfray and irshad manji.



I am listening to celine dion right now.

no one gives a fuck and no one reads my blog.



I am right now in Lahore,Pakistan in my step fathers house in zaman park.
    I just want to go back home to Islamabad and chill....




I went to a sufi saint a few days ago so that my sufferings end one day.

\I actually found out that I have been cursed and that some evil person has done black magic on me and  has fucked up my life.

well I want to burn that person and  make him suffer like I have suffered all these years  since 2007  but who the fuck could it actually be,





why is my life hell?




aliens do exist , they do abduct people and have come to earth.

maybe we should watch the X Files or go to area 51 or the  American government will catch you.
Pakistan is my bloody country/
this illness is no joke , maybe I should go to Houston ,texas to my cousion Ali Tariq.



I read a  couple of books recently some of them that I got from Thailand , I love and miss the party scene of Islamabad , I really miss Canada and I want to go over there and want to start a new life over there away from this shitty Pakistan , I have to take all my things and books and buy a  flat in down town Toronto and party on bruce springsteen and maybe heal from this illness by going to Hawaii and chilling on the beach just like I chilled on the beach in Thailand in Pattaya and rocked the dance floor in Bangkok.



I miss the streets of Bangkok,the heart of Toronto and the beaches of Hawaii , this illness is a   cage.



I like writers such as Michel onfray, irshad manji , david silverman , mohsin hamid   etc.

I got an email from author david silverman and dan barker is my good friend.

nadeem aslam is a nice novelist , john grisham is also nice.
moshin hamid and kamila shamsies new books got longlisted for the man booker prize 2017 and that is good news for Pakistan , I love to eat and eat sweets , I want to chill in Toronto.


I have to meet  sir salman rushdie and Christopher hitchens passed away but he will live on.
I like to go crazy in the book shops of Toronto and I like to listen to Indian Music.

I was in Hawaii in july 2003 and it was lovely, I was in Canada in 2013 for around a month and I went to young and bloor and had a nice time/



life is hell you know ,   there is so much misery and injustice in this  world for example there are women on which there is acid thrown.

those jack assess don't publish my articles in Pakistani news papers.
sam harris and Richard dawkins are atheist writers.
maybe one should read many books/.
I want to live and breath in Toronto and be in Canada and not Pakistan



but  does Pakistan really suck?.


I really do miss the heart of Toronto , Canada man!.

.
PLEASE SOME ONE HELP ME

DANIAL TANVIR


JULY 2007.

LAHORE,PAKISTAN!......

Saturday, February 25, 2017

will my sufferings ever end?. apparently not!.... i hear voices and have compulsions!.

As i mentioned earlier that i am not  going to be cured of this bloody illness and i will have to suffer like this for the rest  of my life.
i had gone to bangkok and pattaya which are in thailand for around 2 weeks.
i rocked the dance floor , bought some  books and heard some  voices.
i read a book called "seeking allah , finding jesus"
by nabeel qureshi and it was a great read , then i read "the namesake" by jhumpa lahiri for school.
 I love the
the streets of Bangkok which are great and I party all night long
  in them.

the   book shops of Bangkok are just lovely and I love them.




I read a book on the lady boys of Thailand!.
i have been suffering from this bloody illness since august 2007 which means more than   9 bloody years,
i do love reading books and i do love my country.
as  you know that i  have obsessive compulsive disorder and that i hear voices.
 I have schizophrenia.


these two things are deadly actually.
  I really do because I hear voices and all,
I do love my father and all the great times that I had in Bangkok with him.

my illness is no joke .

the compulsions bother me all day long and every day.
i must have heard voices more than  a hundred and some times in 2016 and the start of 2017.
indian music is great!.




i miss toronto and i miss the heart of bangkok.


do i hear voices?

the compulsions screw me up.


the list goes on and on .
i have said this before but i will say this again.
the compulsions drive me insane.
i hear voices and have compulsions and this is nothing new  because it happens every day.
its better to be dead than to have OCD
obsessive compulsive disorder that is..

this will never end.
COMPULSIONS;
i have to:

i have to close taps at many places in islamabad

close switches  and taps at my step fathers farm house in the outskirts of lahore where i have not been in 3 years,


switches etc at my grand mothers brothers house in lahore near kfc where i have not been in a long time.

switches taps at bets which is a school where my mother put me in to study  english and computers.
taps at a tailors shop in lahore where my mother goes to get her clothes made.
taps at my mothers cousions house in lahore.
taps at the clinic of a doctor my step  father took me to get my disorder fixed.


taps at the daewoo bus stop in islamabad and lahore.








there is more to come:
there are taps outside the readings book shop in lahore where i go to buy books and i have been going there since many years and i have to close taps there.

taps and switches  at my grand parents house in tech society in lahore.

have to close taps at my grand fathers brothers house in tech society in lahore.
switches and taps at my step fathers house in zaman park , Lahore.
i have to close taps at a filteration plant near my step fathers house in zaman park
i went to nathia gali a few years ago,
. which is a city in Pakistan and  I stayed at a hotel and the issue is to close the taps in the toilet and switches in the room , I went there a few  years ago and this compulsions continues to haunt me.

I was just thinking that there must be many places where I have compulsions to close taps and switches but I do not know about them or have not been to those places where I have those compulsions to close taps and switches.
I don't know what to do.
taps at a filtration plant near my  .
grand parents house in Lahore.
i have  to pick up a door mat and throw it in the canal  in the market which is in Lahore.
and that's what happens/.

so this is what shit i have to go through with no fault of my own.
for almost more than two years ,the only thing I can think of  is the the taps and  voices/.
the compulsions list goes  on and on and on
VOICES:
I hear voices several times a week  and some times several times a day.
i dont want to live
i want to die
i have gone though hell  all my life
my life is all about voices and taps not to mention the switches.




i love it in islamabad



no lets talk about the voices?
they tell me that the world is un real and that the whole world is a setup and that every one is against me and that they have cameras in my house and that they are  monitoring every thing i do and have chips in my brain to monitor stuff about me/
i feel that every one wants to  harm me or kill me,
i  feel as if the people around me are not people but are actually robots and are all after me.


i go through hell actually,

i just came from lahore to islamabad on the daewoo,i was hearing voices on the bus and reading a book,




I feel as if the world is un real and that they are coming to kill me .



the   thing   is that i have to give my  a level exams and the subjects are history and geography and also english literature.


i have an english teacher.
I have to pass my exams which will continue till may 2017 , but I really want to go home to Islamabad or isloo as I call it/

now all you guys can imagine what i have to put up with and no one gives a fuck/.
i have to give my a level exams and i want to stay in islamabad but will have to stay in lahore to give the exams , then in may 2017 i shift to islamabad , and then my father will take me to greece and other european  countries/.



the person who has done this to me should  be brought to justice/.
i wrote an article about an innocent man who was sentenced to 11 years  in jail and was innocent.





please some one help me !.


now  did this god not find any one else to  make suffer and to torture other than me?
this illness, i will never be cured of it.



i do want to go to the USA.
thoes were the best days of my life when i was in Hawaii.

i did not want to live today  and i wanted to be cured of this illness.
9 years is a life time and all.
should I become a writer or not?.
no one cares about me and no one gives a dam and i have to suffer so much.
it is  agony that i go through/.
i was hearing  voices in the bus going from lahore to islamabad , i have to study and pass my a level exams and then i can come to islamabad for good/
i like islamabad but  i will have to live in lahore for a few months till may , 2017



might go to greece , italy , france or spain or to my cousion in houston , texas.
now how much can you make  a person suffer so much?
it is apparent and obvious that i will have to suffer like this for ever/
i do really like it in islamabad as pakistan is my country?




 I  do love my father/.
my heart sinks , i feel depressed and very lovely/.
i have hundreds of books in my room here in islamabad/.
did god not find any one else to torture but me


what can i possibly do?
 help

there was a bomb blast in Lahore 2 days ago and I felt like crying as I saw people bleeding and rotting on the streets of Lahore,

I  love my  country and I can not see the people of my country rot and suffer like this.

today I attended the Lahore literary festival and I met mohsin hamid who is out with his new book   which is called "exit west" and I also met bilal tanweer and kamila shamsie.

I ended up meeting William dalrymple and got his novel "white Mughals"  signed and I was very excited to meet William dalrymple , the event was a great event and I really enjoyed my self.

I love indian music.

as I said before that I really do miss the heart of Islamabad and I love that bloody city and I love my country that is Pakistan and I might become a writer one day and I wrote a few articles , I just want to go home to Islamabad.

I did get an email from William dalrymple as  a matter of fact , I talked to mohsin hamid.
I have to read all his books.


some of the writers I like are hisham matar and Michel onfray.
I miss the summers of Canada.
I feel like crying and my heart weeps when I think of all the sufferings that I have gone through and it seems as if these miseries will not end ever and I will have to live like this for ever and
 suffer like this for no fault  my own!.
why is there so much misery in this world?.


whats the  point of making people suffer so much for no bloody  reason , what the hell can I possibly bloody do?.



I say enough is enough.




why is my life hell?




I go through agony and misery , I have suffered so much and  no one cares ,
what can I do?

 what can be said about god?

when will I be cured of this illness?.

when?..

DANIAL TANVIR
25TH OF FEBRUARY 2017
LAHORE,PAKISTAN!.