Saturday, May 16, 2015


i dont know what to say or do

i have no idea when i will be healed form this illness
i am mentally ill.

due to obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices,

it seems as if some one  has cursed me

the compulsions drive me insane,
i  dont know what i can do or what can i do.

why does god allow suffering in the world

ife is meaningless and miserbale
there is no point in living and there is nothing to do in life,

a few months ago i could feel the persence of God at an Islamic school,

i love reading   books and that too i can not do,

i love christopher hitchens and also the writer irshad manji
in her book she says  I love her and want to  meet her,

"thank god for the west"and i like that statement,.

the compulsions still  are there

i had issued before to close switches taps etc at my grand parets house and mothers house in lahore,
then i had to the same in my step mothers house
then i had compulsions in the apartment  i live in to closes  switches in different places
then i had to close switches at my sociology teachers house
then  i had to do stuff like touching things at school  like  to close switches etc,

then i had to closes switches and taps at the crown plaza hotel,

i had to close taps in a hotel room in nathiagallli in pakistan and the list goes ona and on\

i told you about the woman in the previous email who lives in the house we used to before and was a bitch,
i had issues to close  switches in the buidlinng i live in .

and to close switcehs in that bitches  house , then i 

I have to put a heavy metal structure in the basement in the correct place.
i am fedup 

i had to close switches in the buidling we live in and also  in my sociology teachers house and also to close switches at a girls rented house who was treated badly  by that bitch,

i had to close switches at the markets near our house and also to touch door mats  then i had to put metal boards in the right place and also to close big power container boxes/

the big power round things that is on the road side/

the list tgoes on and on.

i just want to leave this country pakistan  and to start a new life in Canada

i miss the  heart of toronto and the streets of  bangkok ,the beaches of pattaya and the  book shops of kathmmandu 
what difference would it make to god if he could end all the sufferings in this world,

i am in islamabad pakistan/

i have issues at certain places but the switches bother me alot,
the sames switches in certaim places as i talked about before/

switche in the hosue we live in
switches in that  girls house
the switches in that bitches house
the switces in the market near our house
the list goeson and on/
i have to give e a level exams or urdu law and sociolgy but i dont think that  i  will pass/

the compulsions wrere  bothering ,me and i was hearing voices and i did not know what  to so

i go insane
i do not know that what  happenes to me
i have comntrolled some of the compulsions but i might have to close the swictehs some day  before going abroad,

i have aplied for the us visa and i hope i  get it so i can go to america and meet salman rushdie

i am despaerate to go to america and hit the streets of down  town toronot/

 i want   to start a neww life in canada
and i really want to go to canada.
i want to go to hawaii and heal from this illness
i want to do the compulsions and go to canada.

i want to party all night lon in the  night clubs of new york city and toronto  get rid of the compulsions ,read books and party!.

bye danial tanvir///