Thursday, December 10, 2015

The unheard cries...cant wait to rock the dance floor in Bangkok..PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG IN BANGKOK!.,sick of this bloody life,when will i be cured of this illness?

i dont know what to say or so , this is danial tanvir.
i had going to the usa and i went here and there,i was in new york city as well as washington dc.
i went to the book shop about  7 times and bought many books.
i bought "the argument for God" and also "God is not one"
and also "the insanity of God".
 i have the book called "the evolution of God" with me ,
i have a lot of books in my room, i have most of the christopher hitchens books.
i have  alot of books in my room in islamabad,

i had fun in new york , in times square and also in going to the barnes and nobels book shop/
i dont believe in any bloody religion.
pakistan is a fucked up country where there in no freedom of speech .


i rocked the dance floor in times square in new york then i was back in islamabad .

coming back to the point ...you all know that i am not well.

i am mentally ill , i have  been suffering from this illness since 8 years, 3 months and 10 days.
i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices.



i am madly in love with bangkok and i love the night life.

its seems as if i will never be cured of this fucking illness, enough is enough.
i cant wait to go to Bangkok and Party.




i have been going through hell in the past few months , ,the compulsions bothered me and i heard voices  almost every day.
the compulsions go on and on and scew me up/.

i have to become a writer.

the compulsions bother me , they tell me to do things like


closing switches and taps at my step fathers house in the outskirts of lahore.
the switches at my grandmothers brothers house in lahore.
the switches at a school that my mother put me in.
i have to close taps in the bath room near the readings  book shop in lahore.
i have to close taps at my  grandfathers brothers house in lahore.

i have to close all the switches and taps at my grand mothers house in lahore, there are switches in rooms and taps here and there/. these compulsions bother  me and have been going on for many years/.

i have to close taps at a filteration plant near my step fathers house
i have had these issues since many years.

 have to close switches and taps at my step fathers house in lahore , there are switches and taps here and there , i have to close windows in rooms ,.
i have to close the gates of peoples houses and the gate of the park..  this is shit.
i have to close taps in bath room etc in punjab club in lahore.
i have go lose the swithces of fans in a shop in lahore where my mother took me to buy clothes.
what the fuck?.
the list goes on and on and i am bloody ill,.


i have Christopher Hitchens books.

i miss new york and toronto,./
i cant wait to hit the night clubs of bangkok.

with my will power and with the medicines , i am fighting this illness but as you know it is very terrible , its seems as if some one has cursed me,. dam?,.
i love bruce springsteen and maroon 5.

specially the songs "sugar"

and "moves like jagger"
and "love somebody"dam i LoVE bANgKok.
just think about all the parties we had at our flat in islamabad.



I will party all  night long and hit the night clubs , dam i love it,./,.



i have gone through hell in the past  more than 8 years due to this illness and it seems as if i will not be cured of this illness , enough is enough , i cant take it any more despite the  fact that i love Bangkok,.

i hear voices which tell me that the whole world is a setup and  that every one is against me and that they are all coming to get  you.



how could you joshwa?
how could you do such a thing>
dont you get it , this is all part of a setup?.


dont you get it?
they are all coming to get you?
you are nothing but  a coward , coward who wants to kill himself.

you must do it , you must close the switches , you must close the taps , you must do it , where the fuck were you all these years joshwa?
you wanted books? right ., well you got the books you wanted ,
i a mentally ill,
i cant live\
i cant die
what the hell can i do?
i love maroon 5 and i love Bangkok , must goodness i love it , the night life and the book shops.

is there some thing wrong with me or is there some thing wrong with the whole world?,


some one please help me , i need help due to this fucking illness,.
the only thing i can say is that Bangkok is heaven on earth , lets hope that one day i will be cured of this illness ,.
i dont know why i have to suffer so much for no bloody reason , i blame God for  the horrible things that happen.
God is heartless
God is unfair
God is cruel
i dont know what to do , pakistan is a fucked up country where there is no freedom of speech and there is religous intolerance  ,
there was an earthquake in pakistan 2 months ago and we were scared shit man , fuck?
i just want to run to Bangkok and party all night long on the streets of Bangkok and dance on maroon5/,.
life is worst than hell,

the bitter truth is that life is miserable and the  sufferings will never end,.

what can i possibly do man?.

 i hate god and i hate religion.
i love the streets of bangkok , i am  ill  Man,.
i read dan barkers book called
"life driven purpose;how an atheist find meaning."
he sent me that book  from america to lahore,
he talked about the fact that why be good when ther is no God
he talked about god and the fact that blasphemy is not a crime.
i read "elizabeh costello" by jm coetzee , and then i read "the white tiger" by arvinda adiga.
i will be dancing all night long in the streets of Bangkok .

i will rock the dance floor in book shops , listen to the music and hit the night clubs , hit the  book shops and the nutella banana pan cakes , dam  , .
i dance to the beat of the music in Bangkok , i am ill coming back to the point , i want to heal from this illness and go to Hawaii and listen to an indian song.

life is full of misery and injustice and God is to blame for all the miseries in this  world.
i have been suffering from this illness for more than 8 fucking years and enough i enough , i cant take it any more.

is hitting the night clubs in bangkok the solution?
there are UFOS and aliens and where does the universe keep on going.

how can it be that there was no beggining to god?
i party all night in bangkok and meet people from israel but i am from pakistan.
i travel with my father,
enough is enough , when the fuck will these sufferings end?
when will i be  cured of the fucking illness?
it seems as if i will never be cured of this illness and thats why i  going to party all night long in bangkok , read books an enjoy my self as i  have suffered enough.


UPDATE:
  i have been able to control and fight many of the compulsions with the medicines and will power , but the lahore compulsions still bother me
i have issues in islamabad for example closing the taps 16 times in some  toilet in the f9 park in islamabad.
i have  suffered enough in life and  i bloody need and deserve some happyness.


i have many   books in my room infact i have a lot like john grisham and "a golden age" by tahmima anam.
i am going to bangkok on the 23rd of december 2015 and am booked in omni towers.
i will rock the dance floor in bangkok and visit all the book shops.


BYE DANIAL TANVIR /

Thursday, August 20, 2015

sick of this blooody life....got an email from Dan Barker...





please some one help me

i am in lahore pakistan and it has been  nearly 8 years since i have been suffering from this mental illness


i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear these bloody voices




i hear voices every day as a matter  of fact

i am very ill



god please spare me of all these miseries?




what have i done  wrong?


enough is enough


i cant even read books

but i got an email from dan  barker writer.




I read godless by Dan Barker two times in one week and I really
liked it
first. he talked about the fact that he  became a atheist on the ophra  winfreys show then he  talked about writers such as Richard dawkins and sam harris.
he  talked about how he became an atheist and left Christianity in 1984.
he talked about the way he played the paino and were living in wisconsin

some one called him a lair ,
he  said that the main argument for the existence of god is that there has to be a creater of such a big universe,
his daughter asked him that if god made every one then who made god?
he talked about Richard dawkins and about how he  was an atheist and left being a christian ,he talked about god and about  his existance and about how how dosent believe  in life after death





the compulsions go on and on.




 i have to close switches and taps at my step father and grand parents house in lahore


i have to close switches and taps in lahore and islamabad.,.


i have to close taps and switches at some hotel in nathiagalli which is a city ie northern  pakistan. 

i have to close taps and switches at my sociology teachers house in islamabad

also taps at my law teachers house ./ 


i have issues at my fathers flat in islamabad used

live  in the 5th floor but shifted to the 10nth floor and the tenant over there was a bitch and she was bad to  a girl who was the tenant so she went loooking for a house and i have issues to close switches over there and also close switches in the flat we live in/



i have to close switches in the market and also touch the door mats and i  have to close  the switches  the big  switches which  is actually a coupbord

i  have to do the same to those things on different floors , i have  to close  switches in the coridoor and the entrance of the building

i i have to close windows in building , i   have to close  switches and taps at my old flat and new flat

i have to close taps in the

filteration plant near the zaman park home

i  have to do the same near the islamabad home

i have to close switches and taps at my school and also at the crown plaza hotel , i  have  to close switches in the hotel entrance of  the hotel and the taps in the toilet

and

I have to close switches and taps and windows at my step mothers house

 I have to close switches and taps at my mothers

Farm house

I have to close the switches and copboards and  taps in my  mothers fathers brothers house

I have to close switches  taps etc in my grand mothers brother house

I have to close switches and taps at my mothers cousions house

I have to close switches at that persons saloon

 i have to close drawers in that hospital near our house

 I have to close the taps  etc at the glasses shop  near our house

I have to do things at Punjab club , I have to

Close the drawers in the barbers shop , I have to close the taps and switches  etc , I have  to close the taps

In the toilet and the switches in the bath room/

    I have to close  cupboards’ at my mothers friends house/





And I don’t know what to do since the list goes on and on

It seems as if all this crap will never end>

?.

I failed in the law and sociology exams


Not being able to read books in another issue but I did read a  few  books like godless by dan barker

The taps and switches in my grand parents house  and mother bother me a lot   but there are other issues like at he flat we live in and in peoples houses

And nothing seems to help at all,

I cant live and I cant die

What can I do?

The switches bother me



The taps bother me

I went to a institute with my mother to do some thing and the switches bothered me and other stuff

?




The voices tell me that the world and that they are all coming to get you

You are nothing but a coward they tell me/




A coward who wants to kill him self



It seems as if every one is against me and that they  know what I am thinking and what I am doing , I don’t know what to do .
  I read slow man by jm Coetzee  and it was terrible and then I read pilots wife by anita shreve.
now I am reading brain on fire/
my father has gone to china and I will have to rot in Lahore for a week or ten day.s
I might meet dan barker.


Bye

Danial tanvir.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

WE HIT THE NIGHT CLUBS OF NEW YORK CITY.. I HAVE SUFFERED THE MOST IN 2014 AND 2015,,,IN THE SEARCH FOR GOD?...




i dont know what to say or do

i have no idea when i will be healed form this illness
i am mentally ill.



due to obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices,

it seems as if some one  has cursed me


the compulsions drive me insane,
i  dont know what i can do or what can i do.

why does god allow suffering in the world

ife is meaningless and miserbale
there is no point in living and there is nothing to do in life,

a few months ago i could feel the persence of God at an Islamic school,

i love reading   books and that too i can not do,

i love christopher hitchens and also the writer irshad manji
in her book she says  I love her and want to  meet her,


"thank god for the west"and i like that statement,.




the compulsions still  are there

i had issued before to close switches taps etc at my grand parets house and mothers house in lahore,
then i had to the same in my step mothers house
then i had compulsions in the apartment  i live in to closes  switches in different places
then i had to close switches at my sociology teachers house
then  i had to do stuff like touching things at school  like  to close switches etc,

then i had to closes switches and taps at the crown plaza hotel,

i had to close taps in a hotel room in nathiagallli in pakistan and the list goes ona and on\

i told you about the woman in the previous email who lives in the house we used to before and was a bitch,
i had issues to close  switches in the buidlinng i live in .


and to close switcehs in that bitches  house , then i 


I have to put a heavy metal structure in the basement in the correct place.
i am fedup 



i had to close switches in the buidling we live in and also  in my sociology teachers house and also to close switches at a girls rented house who was treated badly  by that bitch,

i had to close switches at the markets near our house and also to touch door mats  then i had to put metal boards in the right place and also to close big power container boxes/

the big power round things that is on the road side/

the list tgoes on and on.

i just want to leave this country pakistan  and to start a new life in Canada



i miss the  heart of toronto and the streets of  bangkok ,the beaches of pattaya and the  book shops of kathmmandu 
what difference would it make to god if he could end all the sufferings in this world,


i am in islamabad pakistan/

i have issues at certain places but the switches bother me alot,
the sames switches in certaim places as i talked about before/



like:
switche in the hosue we live in
switches in that  girls house
the switches in that bitches house
the switces in the market near our house
the list goeson and on/
i have to give e a level exams or urdu law and sociolgy but i dont think that  i  will pass/



the compulsions wrere  bothering ,me and i was hearing voices and i did not know what  to so

i go insane
i do not know that what  happenes to me
i have comntrolled some of the compulsions but i might have to close the swictehs some day  before going abroad,

i have aplied for the us visa and i hope i  get it so i can go to america and meet salman rushdie

i am despaerate to go to america and hit the streets of down  town toronot/

\\
 i want   to start a neww life in canada
and i really want to go to canada.
i want to go to hawaii and heal from this illness
i want to do the compulsions and go to canada.

i want to party all night lon in the  night clubs of new york city and toronto  get rid of the compulsions ,read books and party!.

bye danial tanvir///