Monday, July 29, 2013

What can i possibly do???..

why are we  here?
who made us
why  is life  so  miserable?
I have been in Canada  for less than 2 months,how ever I am going back tomorrow,a flight from Toronto to Lahore,
I really do miss Islamabad and I do miss my beloved father,
I feel depressed  and my heart continues to sink,

I did  not have fun in Canada  but I still feel bad going back,

obsessive  compulsive disorder is what my life is all about, I have been suffering from it for 5 years and 11 months,
as you know that I have to  close switches and taps here and there and I know that when I go back  to my own country,pakistan, I will have to do all that shit,
I might have to do stuff as my step father and grand  parents  house there in Lahore and trust me this obsessive compulsive disorder can be worst than hell and torture and I might have to do these bloody compulsions  there and it really sucks,

I have been to the book shop  many many times

I bought "why I am not a muslim"
by author Ibn Warraq and also

"restless" by novelist william boyd and also
"the disappearance of the universe"

by gary renard and some one gave me a present , the book
"the lanuage of god"

I do like indian music and I do miss the heart of Bangkok which I fell in love  with some time ago,

I feel great misery in this world and you know that I am mentally ill and this illness does not seem to get cured no matter how hard  I try,
I hear voices and have compulsions,

life is miserable and in my case  its just impossible,

I just cant wait to be back in my nice room in Islamabad,pakistan  and to decorate all those bloody books on the  dammed shelf,
I really want to be back home in my lovely Islamabad and  to go to school.

the bloody compulsions continue to bother me and I have had just about enough but after all Pakistan  in my own country and I can always go to the book shops in Pakistan , I really  do want to go and live in Islamabad, I miss it a lot and I want to dance on the  music in Islamabad

I miss Islamabad so much that I was  about  to cry looking at pictures of Islamabad on google,

I do hope that this bloody mental illness of mine is cured , as you know about my obsessive compulsive disorder,and I do hear voices off and on , a  few times a week,

I went to the indigo book shop at eaten center and it was  nice,

I said  good bye to my friend who I made at the book shop,
and atleast I got some books from this bloody trip,

please read my blog and leave comments,
I will be very  happy when I am going to Islamabad on the bus from Lahore on Daewoo, I can not wait for this to happen.

bye,Danial Tanvir.
29th of July,2013
the planet earth.

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