Thursday, August 3, 2017

MY LIFE IS HELL...why cant i start a new life in canada?.... the sufferings will never end it appears.

hello every one

its Danial and i really do need some help

i had gone  to Thailand for 23 days
I was   in Bangkok,Pattaya and Phuket
i had a nice time ., this was my 8th time in Thailand,
I rocked the dance floor on the streets of Bangkok and I swam in the beaches of pattaya and was lovely,
i also hear some voices off and on
i read David Silvermans book and got an email from him/
his  book was really great and I Loved it.
i was really going through hell the day before yesterday/


 i am really sorry  for bothering  you with the same old crap but what it is  , i must tell you/

COMPULSIONS:


 i have to close switches and taps at scattered places in Islamabad like my law and sociology teachers house etc.
taps and switches at my step fathers farm house  near Lahore
taps switches at a   school called bets where my mother put me.

taps switches at my grand mothers brothers house in Lahore/
taps at a  tailor where my mother goes to get her clothes made,

taps at my mothers cousions    house

taps and switches  at the daewoo stops in Lahore/Islamabad.
taps at a doctor where i went.
taps at my English literature   teachers house in Lahore


taps switches at my history and geography  teachers academy in Lahore.


taps at the entrance of tech  society where my grand parents house it

taps at the filteration plant in the colony where my grand parents house


taps at my mothers fathers brothers house in Lahore

taps and switches at my grand parents house in tech society in Lahore



taps at  the readings book shop in Lahore


taps and switches at my step fathers house in Lahore in Zaman park,

a tap in the park  in zaman park/
taps in the macdonalds in Lahore.
taps at the filteration plant in zaman park near my step  fathers house.
taps at a palour where I went to get pedicure  done.
taps etc at an school of mine.
taps and all at my grand mothers sisters sons  previous house.
maybe the same taps at  aitchison college.
i also have  issues to close taps and switches at a hotel in Nathai Galli  which is a city in northern Pakistan where i went a  couple of years ago..............and the list goes on and on.


and thats not it.

there must me countless places where i have to close switches and taps but i do not know about them.
this is worst then hell and i dont know what to do about .
VOICES


now lets discuss the voices/


i hear voices several times a day and some times several times a  week,
i think about the taps compulsions all day long and all the time and the voices screw me . / they make me want to die and nothing can be done/




i must have heard voices countless times in these two years and i have suffered so much that you can not imagine/



the voices go on and on


dont you get it Joshwa ?

this is all part of the set up
they are all coming to get you?


you are nothing but a  coward


a coward who wants to kill him self
they are all watching you



they have camers in your house
they  have chips in your brain


how could you do such a thing joshwa?

how could you do such a thing?

you think you can cheat on us?well  you cant


you must close all the taps in lahore
you must close all thoes taps in all thoes places


i feel as if every one is against me and that the whole world is a setup and that they are all watching me=


my father
my mother


they are all the setup

HEART SINKING

my heart sinks , i feel so miserable,lonely and depressed....



i dont know what the fuck to do

i have suffered enough


and enough is enough

and i say that again and again


it is obvious that this illness   will never fucking end.


BOOKS

i love reading books and i get put off when i read  a book and dont remember what i read


i  read "fighting god" by david siverman  two times and  i also got an email from him.




i am really fed up of this life and i dont know that what the fuck i should bloody do/


i have had enough and my nerves are not that strong to cope with this shit


some times i just dont want to live any more and no one cares

if there is a  god then he is very cruel ., making people suffer so much for no reason


and you do know that my life is hell and it is no use even writing all this shit



whats  the point of making me suffer so much?




i mean really literally go through hell

has  some one cursed me or done black magic on me and as a matter of fact next month its going to be 10 years     that i  have been suffering from this tired crap

enough enough i say


apparently this will not end /.
 i dont think  that i want to do any thing in life/


i have given up this battle against this illness which is ruined every thing/

as i said i was in thailand for a  few days and rocked the dance floor in bangkok on some music and also went to my favourite book shop and bought some books

i really like that book shop in Bagnkok

right now i am in islamabad in my house

/
i miss the heart of Canada and toronto

thoes were the  best days of my life when i was in Hawaii


this is pure obsessive compulsive disorder and schizophrenia and this is my fucked up miserable life and no one gives a dam and i go through agony and misery and nothing can be done about it /.


i cant live
i cant die
what can i do?

i am hungry and want to have some thing nice to eat




I am so sick of every thing and I don't want to live.
I don't know if I really
 want to become a writer or not but right now I just want to die.
I hate god very much.

he is pure cruel and heart less,maybe some UFOS(unidentified flying objects) abducted me some time ago.



I don't want to live / I really want to die.
life is hell.




why cant I  just fix the compulsions , pack up all my books and start a new life in Canada , I am really stuck in this shit whole called Pakistan.



god should be brought to justice for the crimes he has commited
I don't know what  to do.
I just want to go to Toronto and take it easy with Michel onfray and irshad manji.



I am listening to celine dion right now.

no one gives a fuck and no one reads my blog.



I am right now in Lahore,Pakistan in my step fathers house in zaman park.
    I just want to go back home to Islamabad and chill....




I went to a sufi saint a few days ago so that my sufferings end one day.

\I actually found out that I have been cursed and that some evil person has done black magic on me and  has fucked up my life.

well I want to burn that person and  make him suffer like I have suffered all these years  since 2007  but who the fuck could it actually be,





why is my life hell?




aliens do exist , they do abduct people and have come to earth.

maybe we should watch the X Files or go to area 51 or the  American government will catch you.
Pakistan is my bloody country/
this illness is no joke , maybe I should go to Houston ,texas to my cousion Ali Tariq.



I read a  couple of books recently some of them that I got from Thailand , I love and miss the party scene of Islamabad , I really miss Canada and I want to go over there and want to start a new life over there away from this shitty Pakistan , I have to take all my things and books and buy a  flat in down town Toronto and party on bruce springsteen and maybe heal from this illness by going to Hawaii and chilling on the beach just like I chilled on the beach in Thailand in Pattaya and rocked the dance floor in Bangkok.



I miss the streets of Bangkok,the heart of Toronto and the beaches of Hawaii , this illness is a   cage.



I like writers such as Michel onfray, irshad manji , david silverman , mohsin hamid   etc.

I got an email from author david silverman and dan barker is my good friend.

nadeem aslam is a nice novelist , john grisham is also nice.
moshin hamid and kamila shamsies new books got longlisted for the man booker prize 2017 and that is good news for Pakistan , I love to eat and eat sweets , I want to chill in Toronto.


I have to meet  sir salman rushdie and Christopher hitchens passed away but he will live on.
I like to go crazy in the book shops of Toronto and I like to listen to Indian Music.

I was in Hawaii in july 2003 and it was lovely, I was in Canada in 2013 for around a month and I went to young and bloor and had a nice time/



life is hell you know ,   there is so much misery and injustice in this  world for example there are women on which there is acid thrown.

those jack assess don't publish my articles in Pakistani news papers.
sam harris and Richard dawkins are atheist writers.
maybe one should read many books/.
I want to live and breath in Toronto and be in Canada and not Pakistan



but  does Pakistan really suck?.


I really do miss the heart of Toronto , Canada man!.

.
PLEASE SOME ONE HELP ME

DANIAL TANVIR


JULY 2017.

LAHORE,PAKISTAN!......

2 comments:

Craig226625 said...

Hello Danial, we met in Bangkok in June/July, I can’t remember the exact date. I have read some of your blog and want to try and help you. I’ve found this website that makes some good points that I hope can make you feel good about yourself.

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-reasons-to-be-happy-even-if-things-aren’t-perfect-now/

Doctors and councillors will also be willing to help you if you ask them.

Kind regards

Craig

danial tanvir jafri said...

yes how are you craig?
do email me

danialtanvir@gmail.com bye