IT SEEMS AS IF I WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS ILLNESS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE...I MISS CANADA...GOD?

it seems as if the  sufferings will never end i dont  know what to say or what to do. this month , it has been nine years since i have been suffering  from this illness, as you know that i hear voices and have compulsions and i dont  know that when   this nonsense  will end and it   seems as it will never end and it appears as if i will never be cured of  this illness enough is enough and i have had enough/and i dont  know what to do. this is worst than hell. i came to america around  2 week ago but did not have  a  nice time. i had  a  siezer and  collapsed at the book shop. i actually fainted at the barnes and nobels in new york city and was rushed to the  hospital and   was  treated for the break down i had. i ended up in the hospital and had no memory of how i bloody  got over there/ they put me on a bed and put stuff/. thoes guys charged us 2000 dollars and i have no memory what so ever  about what happened in  those hours and i just dont remember what happened then . i was supposed to  go to brazil  for the olympics but that plan got messed up because i told my father that i   want to go to new york city. i was on the streets of new york hearing voices and i was going insane and i did not   know what to do. i cannot tolerate  this crap any more/ i am sure that i will never be cured of this illness. this illness does not spare me even if i come to america, i went to the book shop and bought some books by sam harris , a writer i like.  i have most of the christopher hicthens books with me,. i bought many books that i liked and enjoyed the book shop but my father went and  got the books for me/. coming back to the point , i am very ill, i have been suffering from august 2007 which means that i have been ill for 8 years , 11 months and 29 days. i am not well\ i am ill i am mentally ill i am mentally handicapped. i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear these  bloody voices.. one third of my life is spent suffering from this illness which has ruined every thing. i have gone through hell all my bloody life and i felt so miserable yesterday that you can not imagine  , i did not want to live. my life is worst than hell and i go through unspeakable agony and have to  suffer so much   and no one  bloody cares a  dam. no one  writes to me because  no on dam cares a  dam what happens to me/ coming back to the point i hear voices many many times 2016 has been the worst year of my life and in this year i have suffered so  so much that you can not even imagine. i have heard voices about 100 to 110 times. they go on and on dont   you get it joshwa  , this is all part of a set up dont you get it  they are all coming to get you you are nothing but  a coward  coward who  wants to kill him self they are all watching you Man/. you must do it\ coming back to the point the compulsions screw me up and i have been having them  since many years/ as you know i have to close switches and taps i have to close taps at many places in islamabad including  my law and sociology  teachers house and at some other places./ there are many places i have to close  taps . i have to close switches and taps at my step father farm house in the outskirts of lahore where i havent been in 3 years. i have to   close switches and taps at bets , a school my mom put me in to study  english and computers/.  and computers last year. taps  in the toilet next to the readings book shop in lahore switches   and taps at  my grand mothers brothers house in lahore/ its my grandmothers brothers house where i went a couple of years ago/. it is in Lahore/. there is more to come: taps and switches at my grandfathers brothers house in  lahore taps and swithces at my grandparents house in lahore  i have had these issues since many years. taps swithces and windows at my step fathers house in\  zaman park in lahore. there are 4 taps at a building  near my step fathers house in lahore and i  have to close them / this is in zaman park in lahore. i have issues at many places in lahore.  this crap or shit goes on and on/. now all this shit goes on and on and nothing can bloody be done  about it/ i was in turkey then i was in new york city i went to the book shop a couple of   times but heard  alot of voices. it seems as if the whole world is  a setup and that they are all coming to get me and that some one  has done some thing to me or has deleted it  from my memory maybe some UFOS or aliens abducted me/ aliens do exsit and abduct people . maybe the the US government is after  me  or the mullahs in pakistan/ i hear  voices and have compulsions/ all this shit is not  a joke nothing can be done i still miss the heart of toronto , the streets of bangkok and the beaches of hawaii i really miss the heart of toronto while i hear indian music. . pakistan is my bloody country and  i want to become a writer  just think about all  the great times i had in bangkok man/ how miserable can things  get ? i just want to think about all the great times i had with my father in bangkok/ i will be the happiest person when this illness ends/ but i even heard voices when i was in bangkok, i have to become a writer and make my country pakistan very proud/ i love reading books and i like music/ it is very obvious to me that i will never be cured of this illness/ the list of the  compulsions go on  and on and no bloody cares a  dam/ and this illness will stay with me for the rest of my life/ i really enjoyed the book shops of new york/ i like to buy books on religion and philosophy/. i LOve My Country Pakistan/. i  have to do great things for my   country. i want to do great things for it,. coming back to the point i feel like crying when i think about the fact that i will never be cured of this illness, perhaps some has cursed me. i want to go to Bangkok for the new year and dance the night away on some music/ the trip to america has been terrible and every thing that goes wrong in my life is due to this illness man the suffering will never end and we will have to rot in this world forever/ i felt  so miserable yesterday when i was hearing voices and having compulsions and i did not  want to live what the hell can be done? nothing can  be done because no one gives a  fuck.. perhaps its just  better to go home to Islamabad/. i enjoyed my times in Bangkok  but there too i hear voices i have heard voices in lahore,islamabd,bangkok,toronto,new york city/. as  a  matter of fact i have been all over the world and i  want to go to  houston or to brazil. why arent people  fighting with each other? there is actually nothing to do  in life but to rot and to suffer man?/. i want to chill in hawaii with my mothers sister/. thoes were the best days of my life in july,2003 when i was in hawaii with my mother and her sister. today i was waking with my father in the outskirts of new york when i started  hearing voices and just  said to my self enough is enough/ cant even enjoy my last days in new york because of this shit/. i am going through hell and i cannot take this shit any more please do reply and please get me out of this shit and this misery, i tell people but no one cares and no one gives a shit, this life is helll and a birth place of suffering and  misery and the one who  has done this should be  brought to justice, i have just had it with all this crap , i dont deserve to  go through all this crap/  i deserve to be happy and to live a  happy live/ my tolerance level has expired , it has  been like 9 bloody years that  i have been suffering from  this bull shit and its better to die than  to live this kind of life. the taps compulsions bother me so much that i want to shoot my self . i  want to become a writer/ . how fucked up can things get?. \ enough is enough/ i dont  want to live any more\? its better to be   be dead than be in so much misery/  no one close to me really cares \why cant i just die the compulsions at many places in lahore bother me as i have discussed/.,,. i went to the book shop yesterday and started hearing  voices/,. and then as i sat in the car  , afcourse i started hearing thoes bloody  voices so then i came  to my step fathers house in lahore/,.\ the compulsions to close taps in lahore bothers me and i hear voices, i was just thinking that i do not deserve to suffer  so so much and whats the point of making me  so miserbale/ nothing can  be done and nothing can be said,. this  illness will never end  but i miss the heart of islamabad. no one really cares a  fuck you know. and this is obvious. . nothing can be said and nothing  can be done, the taps at many places  bother me and i like to read books/,. no one can stop this god from making people suffer so much for no bloody reason/ nothing can be done and nothing can be said, the truth is that we have  \ been sent here to rot and to  suffer in this miserable world/ imagine a world free of obsessive compulsive disorder i feel depressed  i hear   voices the long list of compulsions bother me i have to close taps at the shop of a tailor in lahore wehre my  mom went to  get her clothes ,   close taps at the doctor my step dad took me to  to get \ \my disorder fixed in lahore,. at the bath room stop between the motorway of lahore and islamabad/. my grand mother wanted to take me to the book shop , i bought two books and as  i was coming out  of the book shop, i saw a tap that was on so the issue was to afcourse to   close it although i already had to close taps in the toilet     of the book shop but this tap was out in the open/,. i have to pick up a door mat near the market in lahore near our house and throw   it into the canal,.   close taps  the taps of a water tank or what ever you call it in tech society which is a  colony where my grandparents live in , in lahore,. i bought a book by sam harris a writer  i admire and also ian mcewan. i started hearing  voices like i do every day  infact this is a routine in my life which is to hear  voices and all that shit,. dam this will never end , this illness will live with me for all of my life,. and then as i sat in the car  , afcourse i started hearing thoes bloody  voices so then i came  to my step fathers house in lahore. the compulsions to close taps in lahore bothers me and i hear voices, .i was just thinking that i do not deserve to suffer  so so much and whats the point   of making m so miserable?,. nothing can  be done and nothing can be said,. this  illness will never end  but i miss the heart of islamabad/ ,. no one really cares a  fuck you know. and this is obvious nothing can be said and nothing  can be done, the taps at many places  bother me and i like to read books/,. nothing can be done and nothing can be said, the truth is that we have \  been sent here to rot and to  suffer in this miserable world/ imagine a world free of obsessive compulsive disorder i feel depressed  i hear   voices the long list of compulsions bother me   my father is in brazil and i  am very unwell in lahore/. yesterday i was hearing voices as i do every day and  could not even get out of bed,and they   went on and on. THE TAPS compulsions  bother me like hell. closing taps at the building and at the readings  book shop and all thoes other compulsions to close  swithces and taps/. i managed to read 8 to 9 books ,. it is obvious that i will have to hear voices and have compulsions for the rest of my life, actually nothing can be done   i dont know  what should be done but i am  really sick of the whole situation ad with life it is obvious that this illness will not end. i have ordered two christopher hitchens books from amazon, I LOVe my country pakistan and i want to become a writer. i will be dancing all night in bangkok in december , as i said before ? i hear voices and have to  close taps in some places in lahore? what the hell? I HAVE GONE INSANE THIS YEAR IN 2016 , HEARING  VOICE AND THE LONG LIST OF COMPULSIONS/ WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO? I HEAR VOICES AND THE TAPS BOTHER ME LIKE HELL,. IT SEEMS AS IF THE WHOLE WORLD IS AGAINST   ME AND THAT  THEY ARE ALL WATCHING  AND   ARE COMING TO GET ME THE COMPULSIONS GO ON AND ON THE TAPS SCREW ME I HEAR VOICES DAILY I AM ILL. THEY HAVE CAMERS IN MY HOUSE AND ARE COMING TO GET ME THEY ARE GETTING PLEASURE OUT OF MAKING M SUFFER SO MUCH GOD IS  TO BE BLAMED FOR ALL THE SUFFERINGS  IN THIS MISERABLE WORLD NOTHING CAN BE DONE ACTUALLY/ I MISS TORONTO AND I STILL WANT TO PARTY IN BANGKOK/ THERE ARE OTHER ISSUES LIKE THERE MUST  BE A WAR   BETWEEN INDIA AND  PAKISTAN./. WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO? WHY WERE WE SENT TO THIS WORLD? TO ROT AND TO SUFFER, PEOPLE ALL OVER THE WORLD HAVE TO SUFFER  SO MUCH/. THIS ILLNESS HAS RUINED EVERY THING I AM SUFFERING  SO MUCH I DONT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?// HELP HELP HELP HELP ENOUGH IS ENOUGH TODAY ON THE 28TH OF SEPTEMBER  2016 , I WAS  GOING CRAZY HEARING VOICES AND HAVING COMPULSIONS THE TAPS BOTHER ME LIKE HELL,. I REALLY WANT TO PACK MY THINGS AND   \ GO TO CANADA AND TO CHILL IN TORONTO SIT IN A  BOOK  SHOP AND READ   CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS  ETC, IT REALLY SEEMS AS IF I WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS ILLNESS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE I WANT TO DANCE ON INDIAN MUSIC IN CANADA,  BUT WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT GOD? I AM SICK OF THIS BLOODY LIFE AND I DONT WANT TO LIVE!. THIS IS THE BITTER TRUTH,.  BYE

I HAVE GONE THROUGH HELL ALL MY LIFE.JANUARY AND FEBRUARY, 2016.SOME ONE HELP ME, I WANT TO PARTY ALL NIGHT IN NEW YORK CITY......WHEN WILL MY SUFFERINGS END?

 some one please help me
 i dont know what is happening to me
the only think i know is that i am going  crazy please God spare me of all these miseries?
 i was in bangkok two weeks ago and i had a really lovely time; i was in bangkok and in pattaya
 i loved the night life and rocked the dance floor on some nice music.

i was partying all  night ; long in the night clubs./.

 coming back to the point
 i am very un well
 i have been suffering from this mental illness since 8 years  , 5 months and 7 days.
 enough is enough.

 i have this bloody obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear these bloody  voices.
 i really miss the heart of bangkok and love it.
 i have been  going through hell for more than 2 weeks and i dont know what i have done wrong to deserve these miseries.;
i have compulsions and i hear voices almost every day.
 the compulsions go on and on/
 i have to close all the switches , taps and windows in my step fathers house in ,lahore.
 i  have to close all the taps and switches in my grand parents house in  in lahore.
 i have to close switches and taps at my grandfathers brothers house in  in lahore.
 i have to close taps at a filteration plant  which is actually a building  with taps  near my step fathers house in lahore.
 i  have to close all the switches and taps at my step fathers farm in the outskirts of lahore.
 i have to  close switches at my grand mothers brothers house in lahore/; i have to close switches and taps at a school in lahore where my mother out me to study computers and english.

i have to close taps at the daewoo bus stop in lahore.
 i have to  close taps at the bathroom at bherra  which is a place between lahore and islamabads motorway.

i  have to close the taps at the bathroom next to the readings book shop in lahore.
  i have to close the switches in a clothes shop in lahore where my mother took me to buy clothes
 and this bloody list goes on and on and i ma bloody ill.
t;this is a deadly cyce which drives me insane.
enough is enough.
; i am bloody ill.
 i hear voices which tell me that the world is unreal and that the whole world is a setup and that every one is against me and that they are all coming to get me and that they all know what i am doing and thinking/
; they are all part of  the set up they tell me. i dont know what to do/; i feel very depressed and miserable.; what can i  do?
i miss new york , the heart of toronto and the streets of bangkok.

i miss london
i miss kathmandu
i miss singapore.; this illness has ruined very thing.

; my nerves are too weak to tolerate all this crap


 i have to suffer so much.
 i loved the party scene of bangkok.
 please some one help me

 i dont want to live.

 i cant live and i cant die.
 what can i do
nothing can be done.

 i have heard voices many many times in the last two weeks and  the list of compulsions goes on and on.
 my mother made me talk to a sufi saint who told me that some one had done some great black magic on me and that some one had cursed me., i hear voices many time and i want to die.; i really miss the heart of bangkok and i am sick of this bloody country , pakistan. so is it true that some one has done black magic on me
?

 i go through hell very bloody day of my life.
i go through agony every day/

how can God allow this to happen /
as i said before  , i really miss bangkok.
 the voices drive me insane/ no on cares about me , i dont want to live. i have been tolerating this nonsense since the last 8 bloody years and  i can not take this crap any more/
 i want to go to canada or america  or to rock the dance floor in bangkok.
 i really love the night life of bangkok.;
; no one gives a fuck and i have to suffer so much.
\; so is it true that some on  has cursed me to done black magic on  me?.
; it seems as if the whole world is a setup and that every  one is against me.
 nothing can be done.

 i have gone through hell all my life and i have done nothing wrong,
; as i said before no one cares a fuck.
 pakistan sucks and i want to rock the dance floor in bangkok.
 i want to party in new york city , i might go to brazil for the olympics in august  , 2016. 

 the truth is that i will have to live with this illness for the rest of my bloody life.;
  i have to become a writer.
 life is too miserable and these sufferings will never end,
 they will never end.
 and no one can stop god from making people suffer so much?

 whats the point of making people suffer so much?

if god can end all the evil and suffering then why dosent he/
 we have been sent to this world to rot and to suffer.
 i have to go through so much pain and to suffer so much/
i  get a severe pain in my head. the  Voices go on and on/; dont you get it joshwa
this is all part of a setup.; dont  you get it, they are all coming to get you
you must close the switches!
 you must close the taps!/.
 i have to go to nathiagalli which is city in northern pakistan and to close the taps in the bathroom and the switches. in the room in  the hotel.
i went there a few years ago and have issues to close the taps and switches.

; i dont know when i will be cured of this illness?.

i had gone to lahore for two days from islamabad and heard voices many times and i bought some books.
Dan Barker is my  very good friend.
he is sending his latest book to me through mail.
i miss the times sqaure in new york and i miss bangkok while listening to maroon5 .
they put me into a mental health hospital in bangkok.
i want to party and rock the dance floor in new york,toronto and bangkok.
i will be tha happiest person alive when this illness ends but it seems as if this illness will never end.

God is responsible and is to be blamed for all the miseries and sufferings in this world , enough is enough.
i thank my lucky stars as i come to islambad.
i attended the lahore  literature festival and met ahmed  rashid.
i want to party in bangkok and new york as well as toronto.
i am going to brazil for the olympics in august and i want to stop .in new york as well,if we have the money that is.

i have many books on my readings list like
"restless" by william boyd.
"the tipping point " by malcom gladwell/
'the last juror" by john grisham.

i have to  read
sam harris book 'the end of faith ,religion,terror and the future of reason' again.
i am madly in love with this writer sam harris and would like to meet him one day.

i miss london.

i want to go to times square in new york city and to chill , i really miss bangkok and all the great times i had over there.
so i will be going to brazil for the olympics/
i have to become  a writer and sell billions of copies.

it is my dream to meet sam harris and michel onfray but christopher hitchens passed away.
i have read michel onfrays book/.
i saw  a UFO (unidentified flying object)
in my dream a couple of days ago.


UPDATE:
i missthe heart of new york and i have been able to fight and to control the compulsions but they still bother me , lets hope that iam cured of this illness and can live a happy life.

life is too miserable and we are here to rot and suffer,
i like  reading books by michel onfray , sam harris and irshad manji.
should watch the X Files.
?

i was in bangkok and pattaya and rocked the dance floor , i like listening to music and partying in the far east.
it seems as if the sufferings and miseries will never end.
i am friends with feryal ali gauhar.

i met ahmed rashid in lahore.
i love all the books i have in  my room.


one day i hope that i will be cured of this illness and will celebrate and enjoy in hawaii with my mothers sister on an indian song.

i miss the hotel of malaysia and the night clubs  of pattaya and bangkok.

i want to party all  night long in bangkok and go to new york city.

i have been suffering from this  mental illness since more than 8 years .
when will i be cured of this illness?

the other question is that will i be rid of all this shit or not?.

UPDATE
i really hope that one day i will be   cured of this shitty illness.
i still want to rock the dance floor in new york city and i am sick of this fucking pakistan/
the news is that i am better/
i read
"brain on fire"  by susannah cahalan.
i bought this from new york city last year and read it in one day.
its about a  girl in new york city in 2009
'she talks about   times square.
she end up in a hotel  with no memory where she has come from..
it was a very intersting read.

then i read "end of faith"

its called"the end of faith" , religion , terror and the future of reason."


its my dream to meet sam harris.
 and i read this book for a  second time and dan barker might send me  another book by sam harris called "letter to a christain  nation"  , i read
' the shadow of the wind.

it is  a novel by a spanish writer and it was just lovely , i read it is 2 days. , /i Loved reading these books  .

on my list i have "the God delusion"

by richard dawkins  which is available every where in pakistan which is strange , then i have " the last juror" by john grisham and then i have
" the Bride" by Bapsi Sidhwa'


i still miss bangkok and want to rock the dance floor in  new york city.

i really hope that i am cured of this illness  one day ,\\



i read 'the end of faith'
by sam harris  again and I LOVED it like any thing and

Dan Barker might send me his other book by  mail from america called
"letter to a christian nation"

i read ' bride" by bapsi sidhwa   today and it was terrible.
i have many books on my reading list like
"why i am not a muslim'  by ibn warraq, i bought it two years ago from a book shop in toronto.
i still have "God delusion"

by richard dawkins.
might read "a golden age" by tahmima anam..

'
what can i possibly do?
i am very good friends with Athiest writer Dan Barker and have  gotten dozens of email from him.


i want to  fix the compulsions and fuck off from this bloody country pakistan and live in america/.
I  SOME ONE HELP PLEASE   BYE


DANIAL TANVIR
2016

The unheard cries...cant wait to rock the dance floor in Bangkok..PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG IN BANGKOK!.,sick of this bloody life,when will i be cured of this illness?

i dont know what to say or so , this is danial tanvir.
i had going to the usa and i went here and there,i was in new york city as well as washington dc.
i went to the book shop about  7 times and bought many books.
i bought "the argument for God" and also "God is not one"
and also "the insanity of God".
 i have the book called "the evolution of God" with me ,
i have a lot of books in my room, i have most of the christopher hitchens books.
i have  alot of books in my room in islamabad,

i had fun in new york , in times square and also in going to the barnes and nobels book shop/
i dont believe in any bloody religion.
pakistan is a fucked up country where there in no freedom of speech .


i rocked the dance floor in times square in new york then i was back in islamabad .

coming back to the point ...you all know that i am not well.

i am mentally ill , i have  been suffering from this illness since 8 years, 3 months and 10 days.
i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices.



i am madly in love with bangkok and i love the night life.

its seems as if i will never be cured of this fucking illness, enough is enough.
i cant wait to go to Bangkok and Party.




i have been going through hell in the past few months , ,the compulsions bothered me and i heard voices  almost every day.
the compulsions go on and on and scew me up/.

i have to become a writer.

the compulsions bother me , they tell me to do things like


closing switches and taps at my step fathers house in the outskirts of lahore.
the switches at my grandmothers brothers house in lahore.
the switches at a school that my mother put me in.
i have to close taps in the bath room near the readings  book shop in lahore.
i have to close taps at my  grandfathers brothers house in lahore.

i have to close all the switches and taps at my grand mothers house in lahore, there are switches in rooms and taps here and there/. these compulsions bother  me and have been going on for many years/.

i have to close taps at a filteration plant near my step fathers house
i have had these issues since many years.

 have to close switches and taps at my step fathers house in lahore , there are switches and taps here and there , i have to close windows in rooms ,.
i have to close the gates of peoples houses and the gate of the park..  this is shit.
i have to close taps in bath room etc in punjab club in lahore.
i have go lose the swithces of fans in a shop in lahore where my mother took me to buy clothes.
what the fuck?.
the list goes on and on and i am bloody ill,.


i have Christopher Hitchens books.

i miss new york and toronto,./
i cant wait to hit the night clubs of bangkok.

with my will power and with the medicines , i am fighting this illness but as you know it is very terrible , its seems as if some one has cursed me,. dam?,.
i love bruce springsteen and maroon 5.

specially the songs "sugar"

and "moves like jagger"
and "love somebody"dam i LoVE bANgKok.
just think about all the parties we had at our flat in islamabad.



I will party all  night long and hit the night clubs , dam i love it,./,.



i have gone through hell in the past  more than 8 years due to this illness and it seems as if i will not be cured of this illness , enough is enough , i cant take it any more despite the  fact that i love Bangkok,.

i hear voices which tell me that the whole world is a setup and  that every one is against me and that they are all coming to get  you.



how could you joshwa?
how could you do such a thing>
dont you get it , this is all part of a setup?.


dont you get it?
they are all coming to get you?
you are nothing but  a coward , coward who wants to kill himself.

you must do it , you must close the switches , you must close the taps , you must do it , where the fuck were you all these years joshwa?
you wanted books? right ., well you got the books you wanted ,
i a mentally ill,
i cant live\
i cant die
what the hell can i do?
i love maroon 5 and i love Bangkok , must goodness i love it , the night life and the book shops.

is there some thing wrong with me or is there some thing wrong with the whole world?,


some one please help me , i need help due to this fucking illness,.
the only thing i can say is that Bangkok is heaven on earth , lets hope that one day i will be cured of this illness ,.
i dont know why i have to suffer so much for no bloody reason , i blame God for  the horrible things that happen.
God is heartless
God is unfair
God is cruel
i dont know what to do , pakistan is a fucked up country where there is no freedom of speech and there is religous intolerance  ,
there was an earthquake in pakistan 2 months ago and we were scared shit man , fuck?
i just want to run to Bangkok and party all night long on the streets of Bangkok and dance on maroon5/,.
life is worst than hell,

the bitter truth is that life is miserable and the  sufferings will never end,.

what can i possibly do man?.

 i hate god and i hate religion.
i love the streets of bangkok , i am  ill  Man,.
i read dan barkers book called
"life driven purpose;how an atheist find meaning."
he sent me that book  from america to lahore,
he talked about the fact that why be good when ther is no God
he talked about god and the fact that blasphemy is not a crime.
i read "elizabeh costello" by jm coetzee , and then i read "the white tiger" by arvinda adiga.
i will be dancing all night long in the streets of Bangkok .

i will rock the dance floor in book shops , listen to the music and hit the night clubs , hit the  book shops and the nutella banana pan cakes , dam  , .
i dance to the beat of the music in Bangkok , i am ill coming back to the point , i want to heal from this illness and go to Hawaii and listen to an indian song.

life is full of misery and injustice and God is to blame for all the miseries in this  world.
i have been suffering from this illness for more than 8 fucking years and enough i enough , i cant take it any more.

is hitting the night clubs in bangkok the solution?
there are UFOS and aliens and where does the universe keep on going.

how can it be that there was no beggining to god?
i party all night in bangkok and meet people from israel but i am from pakistan.
i travel with my father,
enough is enough , when the fuck will these sufferings end?
when will i be  cured of the fucking illness?
it seems as if i will never be cured of this illness and thats why i  going to party all night long in bangkok , read books an enjoy my self as i  have suffered enough.


UPDATE:
  i have been able to control and fight many of the compulsions with the medicines and will power , but the lahore compulsions still bother me
i have issues in islamabad for example closing the taps 16 times in some  toilet in the f9 park in islamabad.
i have  suffered enough in life and  i bloody need and deserve some happyness.


i have many   books in my room infact i have a lot like john grisham and "a golden age" by tahmima anam.
i am going to bangkok on the 23rd of december 2015 and am booked in omni towers.
i will rock the dance floor in bangkok and visit all the book shops.


BYE DANIAL TANVIR /

sick of this blooody life....got an email from Dan Barker...

please some one help me

i am in lahore pakistan and it has been  nearly 8 years since i have been suffering from this mental illness

i have obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear these bloody voices

i hear voices every day as a matter  of fact

i am very ill

god please spare me of all these miseries?

what have i done  wrong?

enough is enough

i cant even read books

but i got an email from dan  barker writer.

I read godless by Dan Barker two times in one week and I really

liked it

first. he talked about the fact that he  became a atheist on the ophra  winfreys show then he  talked about writers such as Richard dawkins and sam harris.

he  talked about how he became an atheist and left Christianity in 1984.

he talked about the way he played the paino and were living in wisconsin

some one called him a lair ,

he  said that the main argument for the existence of god is that there has to be a creater of such a big universe,

his daughter asked him that if god made every one then who made god?

he talked about Richard dawkins and about how he  was an atheist and left being a christian ,he talked about god and about  his existance and about how how dosent believe  in life after death

the compulsions go on and on.

 i have to close switches and taps at my step father and grand parents house in lahore

i have to close switches and taps in lahore and islamabad.,.

i have to close taps and switches at some hotel in nathiagalli which is a city ie northern  pakistan. 

i have to close taps and switches at my sociology teachers house in islamabad

also taps at my law teachers house ./ 

i have issues at my fathers flat in islamabad used

live  in the 5th floor but shifted to the 10nth floor and the tenant over there was a bitch and she was bad to  a girl who was the tenant so she went loooking for a house and i have issues to close switches over there and also close switches in the flat we live in/

i have to close switches in the market and also touch the door mats and i  have to close  the switches  the big  switches which  is actually a coupbord

i  have to do the same to those things on different floors , i have  to close  switches in the coridoor and the entrance of the building

i i have to close windows in building , i   have to close  switches and taps at my old flat and new flat

i have to close taps in the

filteration plant near the zaman park home

i  have to do the same near the islamabad home

i have to close switches and taps at my school and also at the crown plaza hotel , i  have  to close switches in the hotel entrance of  the hotel and the taps in the toilet

and

I have to close switches and taps and windows at my step mothers house

 I have to close switches and taps at my mothers

Farm house

I have to close the switches and copboards and  taps in my  mothers fathers brothers house

I have to close switches  taps etc in my grand mothers brother house

I have to close switches and taps at my mothers cousions house

I have to close switches at that persons saloon

 i have to close drawers in that hospital near our house

 I have to close the taps  etc at the glasses shop  near our house

I have to do things at Punjab club , I have to

Close the drawers in the barbers shop , I have to close the taps and switches  etc , I have  to close the taps

In the toilet and the switches in the bath room/

    I have to close  cupboards’ at my mothers friends house/

And I don’t know what to do since the list goes on and on

It seems as if all this crap will never end>

?.

I failed in the law and sociology exams

Not being able to read books in another issue but I did read a  few  books like godless by dan barker

The taps and switches in my grand parents house  and mother bother me a lot   but there are other issues like at he flat we live in and in peoples houses

And nothing seems to help at all,

I cant live and I cant die

What can I do?

The switches bother me

The taps bother me

I went to a institute with my mother to do some thing and the switches bothered me and other stuff

?

The voices tell me that the world and that they are all coming to get you

You are nothing but a coward they tell me/

A coward who wants to kill him self

It seems as if every one is against me and that they  know what I am thinking and what I am doing , I don’t know what to do .

  I read slow man by jm Coetzee  and it was terrible and then I read pilots wife by anita shreve.
now I am reading brain on fire/

my father has gone to china and I will have to rot in Lahore for a week or ten day.s

I might meet dan barker.

Bye

Danial tanvir.

WE HIT THE NIGHT CLUBS OF NEW YORK CITY.. I HAVE SUFFERED THE MOST IN 2014 AND 2015,,,IN THE SEARCH FOR GOD?...

i dont know what to say or do

i have no idea when i will be healed form this illness

i am mentally ill.

due to obsessive compulsive disorder and i hear voices,

it seems as if some one  has cursed me

the compulsions drive me insane,

i  dont know what i can do or what can i do.

why does god allow suffering in the world

? 

ife is meaningless and miserbale

there is no point in living and there is nothing to do in life,

a few months ago i could feel the persence of God at an Islamic school,

i love reading   books and that too i can not do,

i love christopher hitchens and also the writer irshad manji

in her book she says  I love her and want to  meet her,

"thank god for the west"and i like that statement,.

the compulsions still  are there

i had issued before to close switches taps etc at my grand parets house and mothers house in lahore,

then i had to the same in my step mothers house

then i had compulsions in the apartment  i live in to closes  switches in different places

then i had to close switches at my sociology teachers house

then  i had to do stuff like touching things at school  like  to close switches etc,

then i had to closes switches and taps at the crown plaza hotel,

i had to close taps in a hotel room in nathiagallli in pakistan and the list goes ona and on\

i told you about the woman in the previous email who lives in the house we used to before and was a bitch,

i had issues to close  switches in the buidlinng i live in .

and to close switcehs in that bitches  house , then i 

I have to put a heavy metal structure in the basement in the correct place.

i am fedup 

i had to close switches in the buidling we live in and also  in my sociology teachers house and also to close switches at a girls rented house who was treated badly  by that bitch,

i had to close switches at the markets near our house and also to touch door mats  then i had to put metal boards in the right place and also to close big power container boxes/

the big power round things that is on the road side/

the list tgoes on and on.

i just want to leave this country pakistan  and to start a new life in Canada

i miss the  heart of toronto and the streets of  bangkok ,the beaches of pattaya and the  book shops of kathmmandu 

what difference would it make to god if he could end all the sufferings in this world,

i am in islamabad pakistan/

i have issues at certain places but the switches bother me alot,

the sames switches in certaim places as i talked about before/

like:

switche in the hosue we live in

switches in that  girls house

the switches in that bitches house

the switces in the market near our house

the list goeson and on/

i have to give e a level exams or urdu law and sociolgy but i dont think that  i  will pass/

the compulsions wrere  bothering ,me and i was hearing voices and i did not know what  to so

i go insane

i do not know that what  happenes to me

i have comntrolled some of the compulsions but i might have to close the swictehs some day  before going abroad,

i have aplied for the us visa and i hope i  get it so i can go to america and meet salman rushdie

i am despaerate to go to america and hit the streets of down  town toronot/

\\

 i want   to start a neww life in canada

and i really want to go to canada.

i want to go to hawaii and heal from this illness

i want to do the compulsions and go to canada.

i want to party all night lon in the  night clubs of new york city and toronto  get rid of the compulsions ,read books and party!.

bye danial tanvir///